oppsie

Forgotten of the existence of this blog. Nothing much really happened. It's just that I gotten a bit too lazy to pen down my thoughts and also didn't wanted to share another handful of them, at the same time, trying to assess my position from a third person view before deciding to write. Either way, it's good to be back.
Right, always wanted to do an interview but never done one properly, so since this is a post, and somehow, expressing in a blog post is always easier than other mediums, I will use this post to do a self interview on me. haha

Whats been going on lately? Nothings heard of about u.
OK. Life in Uk is not that easy after all. I want to try and learn to cook. Always intended to, but also always forget to check up webs and books on how to cook. No hawker food in the UK is really killing me. I haven't been going out much, just staying home watching my computer, studying. Kinda boring life from any perspective. Even mine. I'm kinda fearful of the cold outside. Besides really missing the nice warm wet climate of Malaysia, I also always have the fear that due to such extreme cold, (6 to -3) kinda weather is detrimental to my already damaged back. It still haven't healed. Might actually take an extremely longer time to heal due to all these walking in cold wind. Due to really bad sleeping habits especially during weekends, I haven't been attending church faithfully. As a result, the side effects known as feeling a lonely christian in the middle of a "sin-ridden" world is starting to kick in. Working on tuning self. Other than that, exams will be around 2 -3 months time, so getting things in order is also going in process. Hopefully I can at least bring home something my parents can be proud of this time.

Why does it seems like there is a gloom shroud over u?
There is. I really miss home and the comfort of having the loads of Christian friends who shares (or at least I believe they do) the same believes as I do and nearly the same mentality. People here.... Somehow seems to sow an opinion that they do not care about God even if they know he exist. Very often, right before I go to bed, I question all my elders decisions on encouraging my parents to send me to the UK. Especially those who are Christians. Its more than just sickening now, observing the lifestyle of people here. I often arrive at the question of whether everyone at home has over biased formed opinions of overseas places and the world, especially from Christians. They seem to take things forgranted the most. Overseas is not as wonderful as what everyone seems to describe. Its just another "the grass is greener on the otherside" kind of thinking. On the contrary. I feel like there are greener grass here, but really few and not enough to fill the stomach. The green grass on the other hand are few and never enough. On the other hand, home despite not having really green grass, always have a lot of them. Enough for everyone. Probably I too took things really forgranted. Can't wait to get home and rest on proper green grass.

Alright. That aside, did you learn anything?
Yes. Definitely. But I am not able to notice it. I do have some formed opinions due to my major. From the position of law, justice is actually not a moral standard. Infact. Its more closer to being a form of bureaucratic way in getting things done according to the benefit of individuals. Personally, I feel that the law will never be fair because it is written in such a way to never be. The word rights for example, is the idea of making people who has more responsibilities share the same amount of freedom as those who has less. I personally find it quite ridiculous because by giving the person with more responsibilities the same amount of freedom as those who has less responsibilities, indirectly, more unwanted burden is being piled up on them. At the same time, those with less responsibilities having more freedom, grants an excess of wastage. the freedom and power that could be put into a more productive position is being discarded. If crime does not increase, that means the society is operating in a communal style which will be surprising because everyone is opting for more liberal measures.
I also kinda like family law a lot. The aspect of family is so interesting to explore due to it being so fragile and yet so manipulative. Besides studying the mechanisms of it, it also got me thinking about my future in particular, what would life be like when I'm married, about to marry. and the lot. Sadly, society, media, the lot. Humanity. Teaches that one should not shoulder the responsibilities of marriage and the resource of divorces should be regarded as not just easily available to everyone, but also as a simple means of resolving conflict. the teachings of Men and women becoming 1 has long gone and gotten replaced by a new doctrine that promotes the most irresponsible of generations.
aside from that, I learn that eating bread for months is really really really tiresome and can easily drive anyone crazy.

You spoke of your position...
Ah yes. I know what you are driving at. I personally think I am slacking of a lot. Too much infact. Not just areas of integrity, but also areas that should never be compromised. Need to reformat myself before I self-destruct. Matters are really personal, so I won't go deeper. I will only say, expect a new me again.

Right anything else?

Well yes. I will start posting as usual again so stay tuned for a different format of post. tq all for listening. ^^

Days in Newcastle

The pictures that is shown below is intended for demonstrating the experience I experienced in the Newcastle. God grant you insight, enjoy.





This are the first sightings of snow in the UK by me. Sadly, the snow didn't last long enough to whiten the whole place up, and so far it only happened for 1 day. Waiting for the next time it happens.


the lone cup glass of English beer needs a companion. Salt and pepper is getting too boring.

And companions it did find, and granted. The above pictures are taken about a meal at a bar. 2 of the most common drinks that is served. Wine and beer. The pie is beef with mushroom and pees. Wonderful serving, not bad mood too. The name of the pub as you can see is on the menu. and pictures of it is below.

After eating and drinking, it's important for some music. (unlike some people who insist on shopping. Photos of them shall appear soon. Hahaha)
Right. Music. Should we have this?

Or this?

Either way, they are both good stuffs.

After this, it's time to roam the streets and look for something interesting.

Roaming......

Evening pastor.

Ok, too many people. About turn. Time to look for rest and coffee.

Right. I'm tired, and going to rest here. Evening all!

convenience

Sometimes I find it absolutely more convenient to live without thinking too much. Live by the moment? I wonder why others can do it so much more easier than I could. Don't they have so much to think of? every action that they do can actually lead to more than 500 consequences. How to not think of even one of them?
If only life is like a production factory. Or it probably is? Just that we don't know what we might ended up with when we press the green button? Or the blue button.
Sometimes I find myself implying to God, I find your manual much more harder to use than normal. I was hoping for something more like a build-it-yourself kit or a step-by-step guide line. There is just too much details in this one. Probably you can just issue to me the 900mb or the 1gb one instead of the 50gb file. God as usual does not respond to this questions I ask. If he does, it's usually a problem that comes my way that breaks me into pieces till I have no other way but to turn back to the 50gb file for help.
I now wonder. Should I separate fun from pleasure? Should I separate pleasure from enjoyment? Can I join the 3 of them with fulfillment? And how many of my wants can I keep next year.

This Christmas

Today I was having a Facebook chat with my brother and my mom. Brother didn't mention it, but I can guess as much from how he worded it " This will be the first Christmas without you." Mom then told me too that he got a christmas present for me (I think he intend to use it himself to though). A semi classic board game revolving around a computer game that I enjoyed a lot and introduced to him. He found it amusing and continued exploring it. I still am unable to hold back the sadness in me when mom told me that he could not find someone to play it with.
I used to think of myself as very strong being able to overcome the homesickness many experienced when they are away from home for long periods of time. And every year I meet up with my friends, they share of how they miss their family and how they struggled with that as an issue then they look at me and marveled at how I don't seem to miss my family and say I am kind of grown up. I used to respond that probably it is because I have been away from home long enough, and Gods grace has been kind to me. Now I wish I am weak for I see no benefit of having such kind of strength. makes one lose his sensitivity to the family and takes things forgranted.

Younger brothers.. They never seem like a strong character to me before. Always needing the protection of the elder ones, which I definitely took pride in. Now I am so far away, I feel even more ridiculous that all I can do is pray for you. My speech to you is simple and always the same. Stop sinning and embrace your new life on a higher level. Christ wants to do greater things in you than he have done in me. I'm such a show biz and always in the spot light that your works which are less showy always gets over shadowed by me. But personally, I'm actually happy that you would be entitled to a greater share of reward than I would in heaven, but still, I pray that the day will soon come that your talents and kindness to people would be recognised by them and valued by them for your heart is way more pure and kind compared to mine. I sometimes don't even view "them" as people, while you still extend forgiving compassion to them till this day. God be with you, and Mom and Dad. I trust that HE will mold you to something that would be wonderful to behold when I get back. But till then,
Merry Christmas to yaall.

confusingly opened.

What would you tell me or even think if I tell you that walking in certain circumstances, manner, in a certain mind frame will deem you a sinner.

We all (probably) have once sung (most probably a lot of times instead of once) in church songs like "Above All", "Jesus, Lover of my soul". I have. I even led worship with those songs before. I enjoy these type of songs most. They bring out the emotional state of mindset we want to have, intend to have, and probably hope to reach during worship. It makes focusing on God much more easier than without them. Worse would be when we talk about them, expressing certain knowledge about these topics making us hippocrites.
Winter has fallen on the UK. I'm excited to see the first snow of my life. Or probably even hold them. Oh, I wish I had come to England with a much better conditioned body than the one I have, then I can most probably enjoy Christmas much more compared to the way I'm taking it now. Can't even walk across the streets without feeling pain in my back, which brings me to my next state of mind. To seek a doctor or not. Like everyone would naturally point out, there is no where recorded in the bible circumstances, law, statute, or commandments that says we are not allowed to go and seek a doctor or physicians to look to our physical needs. But the bible at the same time did speak in the book of James 5, that if anyone is sick, he must go to his church elders and confess his sins, seek prayer. The pastor will pray for the person and God will forgive the person, and the person will be forgiven of his sins and his sicknesses will be healed.

This presents a kind of clear directive as to what to do. A clear indication as to what is expected of a Christian that instead of going to the physicist, you go to your church pastor. Still, the argument seems somewhat open ended. What about circumstances where the pastor is also a doctor? Or when the doctor is some kind of practitioner that works in the areas of that particular need? Would it be wrong if the pastor gives treatment as a doctor? Would it then pronounce the circumstance alright to seek a doctor who is a pastor? Ultimately, the question would be is it right to seek for medical practicing aid?

Interestingly, the bible has left this area open to thoughts. (I personally have a formed opinion about this area though) Instead of addressing the area of medical practicing as the problem, the bible address the issue of faith as a problem instead. Where be your faith had you seek a medical practicing person to act as remedy against where would your faith be positioned if your position was sustained through prayer, prayer, and more prayer. Jesus during the time of his ministry on earth never condemned any doctors while he go round healing people, but he commented on people whom never consulted them instead. The centurion, the woman with back issues, the paralytic. He also commented a lot on people who "lack faith". His disciples, his home town, which brings up the area that provokes a lot of thought. If what God has placed up in the hierarchy of what he likes, somewhere right at the top being faith, what then construes the absolute faith that he delights?

Divorce

Okay. How did this started.. Family Law. I think I really like this subject in particular. Might consider not just practicing professionally in this area, but probably be part of the church counseling team with regard to this area one day, or deal with areas regarding this area. When looking at it put into words by law, or taken into serious considerations, or the scenarios presented by the cases, my amusements which proceeds to trigger my wildest imaginations starts to go round and round. In simple words, the subject is one such that it is interesting enough to get me day dreaming about the subject. Come on, don't give me that stare, surely this must have happen to anyone when the subject seems to relate to life in such a peculiar way. Anyway, this are some of the thoughts recorded down by me when I caught myself during one of the day dreams while the lecturer was talking about divorce.

For a divorce to take place, it must be established before the judges that the marriage must have broken down to a state that it is irretrievable. A few grounds were then set out to show the irretrievable-ness of the marriage and among them, one of them was behavior. A thought that simply struck me and got my head rolling was, usually before entering into a relationship, the first thought that springs up to mind is the flaws of the person. The thought would usually sound something like this. "I can't see what problems this person has, but hey, who cares? Really, I also have problems, and if I am going to go round disliking everyone for their problems, then I'm going to end up with no one."

Usually the thought springs up from the ideology of tolerance. Is it flawed? Yes, very in terms of maturity, in terms of practicality where a long term plan is supposed to be worked out with a short term mentality. The amount of personal confidence and trust too is quite suppressed. In it being a very emotional decision, judging it to this extend seems to be a very selfish way of looking at things, but then again, in the circumstances of such being intended for more than mere long term, but for a life time, to bring in the defense that it's a mere emotional decision would be either plain naive, or more immature than the previous statement itself.

mentally, we think of ourselves as very subjective people. We go by the circumstances and we make decisions with our rationals based on the "moments" that are presented to us. In reality however, we are not like that. We are very objective people applying objective test all around us. The subjective test for tolerable behavior for example should actually be : "what would that persons reaction be in the normal circumstances." Personally, I wonder who ever thinks like this. I have yet to meet a person who can view things from a subjective point of view without applying the objective test. Most people would on the contrary be thinking, "what would the reasonable person be doing under such circumstances." Not that we say it out loud, but we do it subconsciously, and words like "no one on earth would do that" ," everyone would laugh at you", "freak of society", well, so on.

So why it would be impossible for any of us to apply the subjective test in our personal lives? Because we are not able to love. Hold on a minute, did I pause there? Yup. How humans alone in all their power can possibly love someone would not seem very possible to me. To simply begin with, to love means that tolerate is a no-no. On the contrary, a higher degree of affection must be shown. It's known as acceptance. Simply in layman ways of speaking and circulating the ideas of love, well, we have all heard it before. Love is blind, love is tender... blah blah blah. Simply expecting human beings to show acceptance from the ones in the highest social positions to the scums of society is ridiculous. The human ego is way too high, which is properly recognized in the movie "Green Lantern."--> Yeah, I heard about humans. Think you're the center of the universe.

The funny thing about humans is despite having such high egos, we have extremely low self esteem. Simply put, give a first failure to many people, and you will see them not continue, give more than 5 rejections to anyone, and probably only 10% of people remains. Don't talk about unreasonableness, this is simply the conditions of love that we truly expect. Excepts our rights and wrongs.. Which also means unconditional acceptance. Impossible? Nope, but only 1 being has managed to do it perfectly. God. The rest of us are just hopping to do it with his help, which is more realistic than simply thinking that one can do it on his own. Why, we don't even succeed in loving ourselves. If we do, we would not be as hard as we are on our own-selves.

With regard to the state of mind that we are at in awareness, does divorce still remains a possibility? Yes. A choice cannot be deprived of its 2 limps. But is it a good choice? No, simply because running away has never proven to bring a benefit along but a sting disguised in a flower known to some as "hardening", others as "crack", to me, near-incurable hurt. For something which was once brought together in such an intimate way with so much tenderness and affection, if broken apart so violently, the only way it will respond is a more violent retributive retaliation.