Confessions of a legalist

Days in Newcastle

2011-12-24T04:02:00.011+08:00

The pictures that is shown below is intended for demonstrating the experience I experienced in the Newcastle. God grant you insight, enjoy.

This are the first sightings of snow in the UK by me. Sadly, the snow didn't last long enough to whiten the whole place up, and so far it only happened for 1 day. Waiting for the next time it happens.

the lone cup glass of English beer needs a companion. Salt and pepper is getting too boring.

And companions it did find, and granted. The above pictures are taken about a meal at a bar. 2 of the most common drinks that is served. Wine and beer. The pie is beef with mushroom and pees. Wonderful serving, not bad mood too. The name of the pub as you can see is on the menu. and pictures of it is below.

After eating and drinking, it's important for some music. (unlike some people who insist on shopping. Photos of them shall appear soon. Hahaha)
Right. Music. Should we have this?

Or this?

Either way, they are both good stuffs.

After this, it's time to roam the streets and look for something interesting.

Roaming......

Evening pastor.

Ok, too many people. About turn. Time to look for rest and coffee.

Right. I'm tired, and going to rest here. Evening all!

convenience

2011-12-18T04:43:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I find it absolutely more convenient to live without thinking too much. Live by the moment? I wonder why others can do it so much more easier than I could. Don't they have so much to think of? every action that they do can actually lead to more than 500 consequences. How to not think of even one of them?
If only life is like a production factory. Or it probably is? Just that we don't know what we might ended up with when we press the green button? Or the blue button.
Sometimes I find myself implying to God, I find your manual much more harder to use than normal. I was hoping for something more like a build-it-yourself kit or a step-by-step guide line. There is just too much details in this one. Probably you can just issue to me the 900mb or the 1gb one instead of the 50gb file. God as usual does not respond to this questions I ask. If he does, it's usually a problem that comes my way that breaks me into pieces till I have no other way but to turn back to the 50gb file for help.
I now wonder. Should I separate fun from pleasure? Should I separate pleasure from enjoyment? Can I join the 3 of them with fulfillment? And how many of my wants can I keep next year.

This Christmas

2011-12-13T13:24:00.003+08:00

Today I was having a Facebook chat with my brother and my mom. Brother didn't mention it, but I can guess as much from how he worded it " This will be the first Christmas without you." Mom then told me too that he got a christmas present for me (I think he intend to use it himself to though). A semi classic board game revolving around a computer game that I enjoyed a lot and introduced to him. He found it amusing and continued exploring it. I still am unable to hold back the sadness in me when mom told me that he could not find someone to play it with.
I used to think of myself as very strong being able to overcome the homesickness many experienced when they are away from home for long periods of time. And every year I meet up with my friends, they share of how they miss their family and how they struggled with that as an issue then they look at me and marveled at how I don't seem to miss my family and say I am kind of grown up. I used to respond that probably it is because I have been away from home long enough, and Gods grace has been kind to me. Now I wish I am weak for I see no benefit of having such kind of strength. makes one lose his sensitivity to the family and takes things forgranted.

Younger brothers.. They never seem like a strong character to me before. Always needing the protection of the elder ones, which I definitely took pride in. Now I am so far away, I feel even more ridiculous that all I can do is pray for you. My speech to you is simple and always the same. Stop sinning and embrace your new life on a higher level. Christ wants to do greater things in you than he have done in me. I'm such a show biz and always in the spot light that your works which are less showy always gets over shadowed by me. But personally, I'm actually happy that you would be entitled to a greater share of reward than I would in heaven, but still, I pray that the day will soon come that your talents and kindness to people would be recognised by them and valued by them for your heart is way more pure and kind compared to mine. I sometimes don't even view "them" as people, while you still extend forgiving compassion to them till this day. God be with you, and Mom and Dad. I trust that HE will mold you to something that would be wonderful to behold when I get back. But till then,
Merry Christmas to yaall.

confusingly opened.

2011-12-09T23:03:00.002+08:00

What would you tell me or even think if I tell you that walking in certain circumstances, manner, in a certain mind frame will deem you a sinner.

We all (probably) have once sung (most probably a lot of times instead of once) in church songs like "Above All", "Jesus, Lover of my soul". I have. I even led worship with those songs before. I enjoy these type of songs most. They bring out the emotional state of mindset we want to have, intend to have, and probably hope to reach during worship. It makes focusing on God much more easier than without them. Worse would be when we talk about them, expressing certain knowledge about these topics making us hippocrites.
Winter has fallen on the UK. I'm excited to see the first snow of my life. Or probably even hold them. Oh, I wish I had come to England with a much better conditioned body than the one I have, then I can most probably enjoy Christmas much more compared to the way I'm taking it now. Can't even walk across the streets without feeling pain in my back, which brings me to my next state of mind. To seek a doctor or not. Like everyone would naturally point out, there is no where recorded in the bible circumstances, law, statute, or commandments that says we are not allowed to go and seek a doctor or physicians to look to our physical needs. But the bible at the same time did speak in the book of James 5, that if anyone is sick, he must go to his church elders and confess his sins, seek prayer. The pastor will pray for the person and God will forgive the person, and the person will be forgiven of his sins and his sicknesses will be healed.

This presents a kind of clear directive as to what to do. A clear indication as to what is expected of a Christian that instead of going to the physicist, you go to your church pastor. Still, the argument seems somewhat open ended. What about circumstances where the pastor is also a doctor? Or when the doctor is some kind of practitioner that works in the areas of that particular need? Would it be wrong if the pastor gives treatment as a doctor? Would it then pronounce the circumstance alright to seek a doctor who is a pastor? Ultimately, the question would be is it right to seek for medical practicing aid?

Interestingly, the bible has left this area open to thoughts. (I personally have a formed opinion about this area though) Instead of addressing the area of medical practicing as the problem, the bible address the issue of faith as a problem instead. Where be your faith had you seek a medical practicing person to act as remedy against where would your faith be positioned if your position was sustained through prayer, prayer, and more prayer. Jesus during the time of his ministry on earth never condemned any doctors while he go round healing people, but he commented on people whom never consulted them instead. The centurion, the woman with back issues, the paralytic. He also commented a lot on people who "lack faith". His disciples, his home town, which brings up the area that provokes a lot of thought. If what God has placed up in the hierarchy of what he likes, somewhere right at the top being faith, what then construes the absolute faith that he delights?

Divorce

2011-11-25T05:01:00.003+08:00

Okay. How did this started.. Family Law. I think I really like this subject in particular. Might consider not just practicing professionally in this area, but probably be part of the church counseling team with regard to this area one day, or deal with areas regarding this area. When looking at it put into words by law, or taken into serious considerations, or the scenarios presented by the cases, my amusements which proceeds to trigger my wildest imaginations starts to go round and round. In simple words, the subject is one such that it is interesting enough to get me day dreaming about the subject. Come on, don't give me that stare, surely this must have happen to anyone when the subject seems to relate to life in such a peculiar way. Anyway, this are some of the thoughts recorded down by me when I caught myself during one of the day dreams while the lecturer was talking about divorce.

For a divorce to take place, it must be established before the judges that the marriage must have broken down to a state that it is irretrievable. A few grounds were then set out to show the irretrievable-ness of the marriage and among them, one of them was behavior. A thought that simply struck me and got my head rolling was, usually before entering into a relationship, the first thought that springs up to mind is the flaws of the person. The thought would usually sound something like this. "I can't see what problems this person has, but hey, who cares? Really, I also have problems, and if I am going to go round disliking everyone for their problems, then I'm going to end up with no one."

Usually the thought springs up from the ideology of tolerance. Is it flawed? Yes, very in terms of maturity, in terms of practicality where a long term plan is supposed to be worked out with a short term mentality. The amount of personal confidence and trust too is quite suppressed. In it being a very emotional decision, judging it to this extend seems to be a very selfish way of looking at things, but then again, in the circumstances of such being intended for more than mere long term, but for a life time, to bring in the defense that it's a mere emotional decision would be either plain naive, or more immature than the previous statement itself.

mentally, we think of ourselves as very subjective people. We go by the circumstances and we make decisions with our rationals based on the "moments" that are presented to us. In reality however, we are not like that. We are very objective people applying objective test all around us. The subjective test for tolerable behavior for example should actually be : "what would that persons reaction be in the normal circumstances." Personally, I wonder who ever thinks like this. I have yet to meet a person who can view things from a subjective point of view without applying the objective test. Most people would on the contrary be thinking, "what would the reasonable person be doing under such circumstances." Not that we say it out loud, but we do it subconsciously, and words like "no one on earth would do that" ," everyone would laugh at you", "freak of society", well, so on.

So why it would be impossible for any of us to apply the subjective test in our personal lives? Because we are not able to love. Hold on a minute, did I pause there? Yup. How humans alone in all their power can possibly love someone would not seem very possible to me. To simply begin with, to love means that tolerate is a no-no. On the contrary, a higher degree of affection must be shown. It's known as acceptance. Simply in layman ways of speaking and circulating the ideas of love, well, we have all heard it before. Love is blind, love is tender... blah blah blah. Simply expecting human beings to show acceptance from the ones in the highest social positions to the scums of society is ridiculous. The human ego is way too high, which is properly recognized in the movie "Green Lantern."--> Yeah, I heard about humans. Think you're the center of the universe.

The funny thing about humans is despite having such high egos, we have extremely low self esteem. Simply put, give a first failure to many people, and you will see them not continue, give more than 5 rejections to anyone, and probably only 10% of people remains. Don't talk about unreasonableness, this is simply the conditions of love that we truly expect. Excepts our rights and wrongs.. Which also means unconditional acceptance. Impossible? Nope, but only 1 being has managed to do it perfectly. God. The rest of us are just hopping to do it with his help, which is more realistic than simply thinking that one can do it on his own. Why, we don't even succeed in loving ourselves. If we do, we would not be as hard as we are on our own-selves.

With regard to the state of mind that we are at in awareness, does divorce still remains a possibility? Yes. A choice cannot be deprived of its 2 limps. But is it a good choice? No, simply because running away has never proven to bring a benefit along but a sting disguised in a flower known to some as "hardening", others as "crack", to me, near-incurable hurt. For something which was once brought together in such an intimate way with so much tenderness and affection, if broken apart so violently, the only way it will respond is a more violent retributive retaliation.

Blind faith

2011-11-20T07:18:00.006+08:00

Before I start any further discussions, it's best I try to explain what the 2 of them are in my own way.

Faith as I think of it is believing the unknown possibilities of the impossible being impossible, be it whether there is an explainable reasoning that could be understood, or when there is one but could not be understood, or when there is absolutely none at all. Eg: The possibility of a God of the most high by mere love so unfailing for his creation coming down to their level to help them, even die for them despite knowing the fact that for many, his death will be in vain. The possibility of being healed of a sickness with absolutely no explanation but, "it's done by God." The power of prayer and faith that can move a mountain though no one done literal mountain moving before. Yet I believe it and know its true. Is it blind faith? Well, yes. I think it is too. I don't know entirely what I'm believing in because I cannot explain why it really is this way besides giving answers like, God loves us, I'm weak but God is strong.

Then there is the other argument that it isn't blind faith. All that happens and governs the round-a-bouts of Christianity simply revolve around the word love. Because God loves -(fillintheblank). And that love is simply the reason why we believe in Christ. Evidence that is good enough for us. (Or so some says)

Is blind faith bad? Well I don't think so. Why would blind faith be bad? Going down to the roots of why would blind faith be bad. I think it's because of the insecurity. When one has been alleged as having a blind faith in something, blindly believing.. believing in something that one does not have full knowledge about or any knowledge at all in that area . And when you come to think of it, why would the issue of blind faith even matter when it is brought up? What bad does it do? If extreme evidence is required that someone believes, does that makes a person any less than a person who does not requires evidence or the other way round?
I was watching a movie yesterday about a wife expecting the husband to trust her that she will surely remain faithful to him even though the nature of work that she is doing (a high ranking policewoman) would require a lot of interaction, and a fair lot with men, especially her "partner" in the police force is a men. The funny thing in that "trust" is the essential element is blind faith. A trust in the lady that she will not cheat on him. The husband has no records, nothing. The woman has never been married before, he has little/no knowledge of her past relationships (which is not surprising because guys don't like to know that) No knowledge of being able to say she will not cheat me.
Our belief in Christ, his resurrection, his healing, his power. It's not like we even know how it works, sometimes we even question him in the face. We ourselves are amazed at how it happened. Blindly believing it though you never seen it. How bad can it be?

Utilitarianism

2011-11-18T00:50:00.001+08:00

What is this? In simple layman terms, it means to place the greater good in higher priority. Meaning the good of the majority out weighs the minority. Already to many the idea is quite border-lining and there is quite a fair bit that can be agreed with, and also a lot that cannot be agreed with. Take for example, human rights. In Utilitarianism, human rights is nonexistent. You can't find any equality in all mankind when the minority of humanity is to be considered nonexistent in the circumstances of Utilitarianism.
So, it's not a good set of thinking especially when we or whoever is the minority. So whats the bother? Utilitarianism is actually one of the highest applied principles in the World and is the backbone of Democracy. In a Democracy, you place the person who receives the highest votes as the ruler of the country. The rest is all subjected to the ruling system of the nation. In its purest form, Democracy will most probably end in fascism. Imagine a Hitler-like kind of dictatorship. Why I like to quote Hitler's rise to power is because of it's nature. Notice how Hitler came to power was unlike most other dictators, Hitlers powers came from the roots of Democracy. In truth, I would say Hitler knows more about democracy than 90% of the entire world and acted most democratically. In saying this, I will point out, to be democratic is not the same as being an observer of human rights. And with that being said, Being democratic does not mean listening to the people, but listening to the majority of the people. (get the catch here why Utilitarianism's other name is also Democracy?)

In such pure forms, any means to obtain the "justified greater good" is justifiable. Many other ways of putting it has been spoken of quite often and you probably have heard a few of it. "For the benefit of society", "They form the majority", "Follow the crowd", "I don't want to be weird", "I want to be like everyone else". All subtle ways of speech that we probably have all heard which reflects a bit of Utilitarianism here and there, and coming to the point, is it good? Definitely not. No one can stand on the fence. Well, because it simply is impossible being on the fence. Sooner or later, you will have to choose a side. Many people speak about moderation. No man can serve 2 masters. Its either here or there. Technically speaking, you only have 1 life to give in support of a clause, so it's impossible with regard to time, and ability to support things on bother line, people's speech says the world wants non-extremist, but in truth, we all are actually extremist.

Back to Utilitarianism. I mean Democracy. I mean the "greater good?"

weak without numbers

2011-11-16T06:28:00.002+08:00

Not significant at the first, but if you are one who looks back at your day for the purpose of evaluation, I'm pretty sure it is noticeable that the less people sharing the same belief system having out with you on that week will result in a decline in the acts of that belief system even if one is strongly believing in that precepts.
After leaving INTI, I nearly vowed, or so I thought I could singlehandedly hold on to all I believe in without any flaw and continue on with live in UK. Why? Because I simply was a leader back home. Everyone followed me. I got the feeling that if I fail, everyone else would so failure for me is either not an option or not a possibility. I didn't think I am a god, but I thought with God on my side, I'm supposed to do the impossible. Which is what the bible says to what I know. With God, nothing is impossible.
Today, I watched a TV show about a girl wanting to fit into society, lied that she had sex before though she maintained her virginity. It wasn't a long part of the show, but 1 that struck me significantly. There was this part of the show where they showed a bunch of Christians praying for her in the "condemnation method." One of my friend who was watching it with me looked at me and said, I hope cf's prayer meetings at home was not like that. I smiled at him. But deep in my heard, I don't even dare to tell him that almost all Christian meetings are like that. Strange thing is that if he is to become a Christian, he will become one of those in the prayer meetings whom he does not want to be. The show went on by showing how the girl compromised bit by bit till she herself wondered which life is she living in.
I look at mine. And wonder what do I see.

Familiarity breeds contempt

2011-11-02T06:59:00.002+08:00

A prophet is not without honor except in his own country and his house. (Matthew 13: 57b)
How I personally wish that this is not true.
There were many the times I too felt underestimated or looked down by others due to the "familiarity" that they created. The danger in this is that due to the unhappiness, the temptation is to visibly break the familiarity by producing distance. The hard way is to continue to preach and push till they believe.
The problem is when such familiarity comes, chances are we already known the problem but do not know what to do. We cannot desert it because the familiarity is what will help us bring fourth the 'seed' of knowledge. But then at the same time, that familiarity breeds contempt that cannot be found outside. One that reeks of the feeling of being taken for-granted of.

Then there is also the weird question to be thrown backwards, where is the feeling of being taken for granted coming from, and what is it's link to self-pity? Did self-pity came first? Or did that feeling came first? Or did they come at the same time since they are the same thing? Either way, the emotions of humans is a strange thing. Take for instance this. If You ever felt taken for-granted of before, where did that feeling came from? It came from the Knowledge that your worth has actually been diminished, and in that diminishing, your pride got smashed painfully. But the funny thing is. Under the shell that pride uses to protect, inside hides not the ''soul", but the parasite, "lacking self confidence". And here I think I have absolutely confused you.

Put it this way. Something we are good at, we won't bother if people say anything other wise. Well, if the chances of success is 100%, then first, there is nothing to worry about, because even if the person does not "shut up", or rectify his ways, you don't have to prove anything. You know "it" and he does as well. But then, even if its 99%, think about it. That 1 percent of non success. That breeds lacking self confidence doesn't it? Even if you are really good at it, The question of whether you are good at it still comes because, it's not like you cannot fail. And if you can fail, though many says otherwise, in truth, if you can fail, doesn't that means you are not good at it..... just the same as anyone else? In truth, deep down. You know you are relying on the chance that "it" turns out well. Deep down, there is a feeling of "No- control". So, it's quite funny sometimes when we discover an area or areas we thought we are good at but now needs improvements, and a lot of it. The question then comes. Was I ever good at it? Hard answer. But you and I who have experienced it knows what the answer is.

So am I saying that when Jesus said the phase, he had low-self esteem? NO. In no way. First, he is Christ. We say, "we can do all things through Christ". He says, "I can do anything" That's the difference. Thus the intention behind what Christ was literally is, I can't save you because you can't see through your pride. Ours is, I can't save you because, we are in the same boat. In truth, I probably don't know what I'm talking about, but I deeply believe its the truth because Christ convicted me of it in person.
Now for the final closing up. Is self confidence then bad? I think the problem is we misinterpret. Self confidence is confidence in self. Not confidence in being able to be "good", and in reality, I believe it means having a good complete acceptance over the understood self regardless of its state. If I'm good, I know it and I worry not of it. But we have heard that. What we need to hear is. I'm bad, and I know it. So I'm willing to laugh with you at my bad. I shall admit my bad and not take it too hard on myself when I can't perform what I'm bad at. Am I being too easy on myself? No, I didn't give myself space to not perform what I'm good at to the fullest.

More pictures of the UK

2011-10-30T06:55:00.010+08:00

Right. I found it unsatisfying in the last picture post regarding the place I stay at in the UK. So, I took the liberty to walk around and find more picture worthy shots. I went in the evening, so what I would have liked to show of the day time could not be shown. Nevertheless, evening can be pretty nice too.

Starting with

The House of mine. This is a front picture of the place I live. the window to the right is the kitchen. Left is the rooms. That one in the picture in particular is... not my room. haha. My room is just plain illusive.

This is the front of my hostel. Left side are a shops. The first one is a mini market. Really mini. The size of a convenient store. (I think it's more of a convenient store actually) I go there often to get my instant food and bread. Next to it is a bar called Stepneys Bar. The thing about the bars here is it replaces the Mamaks back home. You come here, dance, watch football, drink. Well, not really chat, meet girls. European life I guess. After that is the fastfood delivery house. I think it's Italian. They serve burgers, pizzas, chips, kebaps and some pie. End of the road goes to the main road.

Right. A view of a few houses which are near the railway track. I thought they looked good too, since I see them everyday, might as well let all have a good look at it.

The way to.. The back of the Hostel area. My place of residence is in the middle of Newcastle city. this is another part of the city which leads to a...... lot of places. haha. Newcastle is not small. What you expect?

A nice view on English traffic.

Everyone I know who comes to UK seems to like to take pictures of sculptures and show others. I'm no exception.

Before going for the higher level castle sighting, I shall first go for the lower level tower sighting. Personally, I cannot understand why it's receiving such poor attention being a medieval historical site.

Oh, and the best part? Its in a residential area. Free for all to come and see. It looked so abandon, that I thought it was illegal to go near it.

Progressing to housing estates. Just wanted to show everyone how the residential areas here looks like. Note the trees. indicates the weather to all.

This place altogether has been very impressive.

Crazy Weather

2011-10-26T06:53:00.002+08:00

before coming to the UK, I was told that the weather here is really cold. Skinny people would have a hard time because the wind can blow skinny people into the air. I was also told, nobody dresses little here. Everyone dresses like as if they are going to the north-pole because it is cold. Its nearly always night because there is no sun.
What funny people they are. To start of with, the wind here is really strong. Not strong enough to send people into the air, though there are times when the wind gets around 80-90kmph ( I heard it can easily go higher than that during winter, and when it does, it can push people. (interesting isn't it?) The weather is very dry. My skins pealing off like a snake, Nose and face areas are quite affected by the dryness of the weather. (Probably needed treatment) Oh nobody did say how hard it is to eat the food here. Only how nice it is. I will now agree greatly with my grandma. The food in any other place but Malaysia = Horrible. First hand experience. I haven't taste anything that can compare with a simple Malaysian Bah Kut Teh dish at all. From English to Most European Dish, to Kebaps? =.= Nothing impresses me even slightly. They are good alright, but probably only at their standards. What really impresses me is the capability of turning nearly any type of food into an instant microwaveable dish.
In the UK, Newcastle is supposed to be one of the cities where Women dress in the most "appropriate manner" and I have to say that they are absolutely most abnormal to do so with the weather being always icy, and them dressing in the least possible. What really must come into this blog is a picture of how many types of instant food are there.
Ok, next post. Instant food of UK. For now. I sign out to do my homework again.

Halloween

2011-10-21T07:26:00.002+08:00

How Halloween is celebrated here is definitely altogether on an entirely different hype compared to how it is back home. Of course, no photos because the celebration haven't started. But it's just a few days away? And the entire city..... You can feel the atmosphere of it already here. Ok, probably it's just me being so new to this place, but I tell you, everywhere there is more then decor. Even people I know are all planing to go round dressed as some characters. (One of the girls in my house intends to go out in a kimono, I can't wait to see. ><)

O, and my opinion of Halloween? It's dark and bleak. I don't think very well of it. In fact, I think of it as an occult celebration. Ah well, lets see how its done here.

this dreadful me

2011-10-16T09:25:00.003+08:00

Again my friends got drunk. 3rd time in my house. And I did nothing to prevent it from coming. I now wish I had pray more for them and myself. I couldn't see it coming. I sincerely thought he was sober. I kept finding out whether he was ok or not, hoping to prevent it from happening again. Then on his birthday. 1 Vodka bottle, and down he goes. Oh God, how bad my prayer life truly is.

What probably makes it worse is the lines of right and wrong, I thought I had it distinguished. And today I had mine blurred again. Again I could not help my friends by telling them what is right from wrong. Some prophetic calling I have.
Whether I was scared or I didn't know, or both. This is definitely getting to become inexcusable. They say only idiots make the same mistake twice. I made it 3 times. 3 times did my light failed to shine. I wonder if it ever shined now. A light is either shining or not shining. It can't be half way. It's either yes or no. And either way, people can see it, (have to be able to see it) if they are, then I didn't pray enough again. Either way, I'm accountable because I'm not lost.

I decided to check back into my room and sit down. Think and be quiet to myself. Why whenever it comes to such a situation does my light disappear. I can even have faith that God works miracles fearlessly. Proclaim it to Christians without fear and rebuke many at home without fearing. Why now do I fail.
Time to re-align my personal life. Discipline myself.

Now.... where is that training stick that I kept?

Oh dear God, what you think of the churches today?

2011-10-15T21:40:00.002+08:00

It's pathetic. Worse then ever. Revival is hardly ever spread. They call it revival, but its only loud concerts of music and jumping. No repentance, no true turning away from sin. Today you see them coming to me with repentance, tomorrow you see them going back sinning again in the manner where you see no will to change or alter the course of their actions. No intention to see to that there be difference in their lives. Their worship is so futile and not coming from the heart. Just a bunch of emotions. Whether they can say they love me is another issue.
Since when did fear was allowed to creep into the church. That now its "taboo" to bring rebuke against sinners and tell them what is wrong? Did it ever appear in the bible that the way to accept sinners is to accept their sin? I clearly remember reading it to be "accept the sinner but not the sin." Today the theory of accept the sinner but not the sin is no more. It has become accept the sinner and the sin. It's easier anyway. I personally mourn at the fact that now preachers who preach real truth are less then few. And some of the few has already been disallowed from the church for speaking messages that are called "fiery messages" Now I wonder whether the churches around the world wants revival. Christians are like elves in the lord of the rings. Quite the passing already.

If you think this is only in your church, think again. If you understand this is a global issue, pray for it, and spread the word too, so others will pray and hopefully, many will repent. If you have already done this, join me in spiritual warfare to defend the broken walls. The Nehemiah God raised up may appear soon enough.
To my prayer warrior friends back home, "the lines gets attack at 5 onward here, which is 11pm on your side (Malaysian time). Do please join me in prayer. Its encouraging to know if there are people praying with you even if it's far far away."

the long due blog post

2011-10-11T09:21:00.008+08:00

As of now, You will all know that I am blogging away from

This is the last look of the place I called home before leaving it. I wonder how long more do I have before I ended up calling another place home.

Anyway. Now as promised, since I figured out what's wrong with the cam ( I didn't install the program on the computer, how stupid)

This is the place where I had my first meal in England. It's not in the Newcastle though. IT's in London. And where I learned 1 essential thing too. English meals consist of mainly bread.
Oh wait. Their vege looks something like this. (trust me Caleb, this taste..... Horrible. Now I understand why European Kids hate vege)

Of course you want to know where I live and with who.

This is Boon Chuan. Lee Boon Chuan. Has been staying and helping me, and now he is my housemate. Most interesting person I have ever seen so far, and am absolutely happy to be having him not too far from me in the UK.

This is a picture of my hostel. It's in an apartment

Oh, and these are pictures of the buildings around my place. Enjoy.

Hypocritical feelings

2011-09-29T06:08:00.002+08:00

This feels really really nasty.

The Lord blessed me with many friends. The Lord bless me with much knowledge, but I am not willing to "sprout" them.
Do I talk them yes. Like a lot. No one in church or cf does not know what I speak about. No one that I know does not know what I live for and whom do I worship. But do I demonstrate that? That entirely is another story.
For instance, to tell everyone 400 reasons why drinking is bad is just too easy, but when it comes to living it out alone, goodness, it is hard. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, I don't go round having sex with every girl I meet, but to tell everyone to not and why, now that's.... a different story all together. You might ask me, where is the obligation? You are already doing well by living the life according to the ways of God, people can see, and people know what a Godly person is like.

My friends don't ask me to drink, watch porn with them because they know I don't do these. They know how much against my principles these are, and how much it would have already offended my God so to speak, but for me to tell them why and continue from there, I guess my face is way too thick for telling truth now a days. The most hypocritical thing is, I am actually waiting for someone else to make such a stand, then I tag along from the back. If no one does, I stand behind and watch without participating, but I hide in my own heaven, and not tell the rest about hell.

As I watch my own friends, I feel more and more remorse by the day. All the opportunities that I throw away by the day for no apparent reason that I can use and I can't even call these being hard on myself because regardless of how many comforts or reasoning pour out, I know deep down in me by the holy spirit that I or any Christian have no excuse.

Stand up for my faith huh.

I'm already losing the "it" to be capable of preaching it.

English test of Faith

2011-09-23T23:43:00.002+08:00

Greetings all from the UK! Its wonderful to be back here again in this blog to type what is happening giving you all the latest " play by plays" and updates. So here we go, starting with the way to UK.

I started the journey at Singapore with the usual worries of whether I can carry all my baggage because of my back problems. It starts when I was having my dinner at Burger King with my dad. With all the bringing up and down of my luggage in the airport, I was not ready or confident enough to think that I can carry that luggage for long without having a bit of a sore back, but well, it turns out my back was a lot better than I thought so I go on carrying my bag as usual until the limit starts.

Ok. So, the test. Anything I do, as per the intention of God or any scriptures whatsoever that has been thought, now comes the time to test how much I truly believe in them. First test. No matter what, I must get into my hostel without being on a wheelchair.

The first part of the test was not all that easy. Was supposed to arrived in Heathrow airport at 5 am, but the plane only arrived at 8 so I missed my first connecting flight to New Castle, and had to go for the rescheduled flight at 9, but the customs was another nice long wait so.... missed that flight again. and the next flight scheduled for me was at 4.30pm. I still do remember being at the receptionist place at 11am praying that I will get the earlier ticket, but turns out it was not intended that I have it so, time to make myself comfortable in the airport. My back due to the tired me was already beginning to feel sore. Being not a sleep for a day... makes people really think of a lot of things. I never expected that lust can hit me so hard when I'm tired. I was walking around praying for my strength to believe in Christ so I don't need a wheelchair though I have exceeded the "normal periods and length of time" that I spend carrying heavy stuffs. Saw a bookstore, I thought why not get a book? I have to wait here for at least 5 hours anyway. I was literally shocked to see such public display of pornography, even in the newspapers.@@ That was how it was. Being pounded with so much attack, I spend nearly the entire time praying and praying in the airport till I arrived in the Newcastle. First day battle was really successful as I spend most of the time walking around getting things done so I can arrive in the Newcastle, Not even with looking back, I already knew in my heart that this is Gods doing. Without him, I would have definitely been on a wheelchair. Nasty side of it is..... my luggage was lost by the British Airways. In one way, nothing I have then in UK. Good side, a great opportunity for God to show his worth.

Day 2

Since I have already arrived at Newcastle and am at the hostel, its time to go round getting groceries and household stuffs to make myself comfortable. The temperature around this parts are 13 in the day time and 6 at night. Same old test again. Not to consider the usage of a wheelchair regardless of anything. What happens? I had to follow my new housemates to the supermarket to buy towels, blankets, bedding and any other stuffs which might turn out to be important. The distance was really far and the worries that hit me was extremely horrible. No doubt by time I reached the shopping center, my hamstrings felt really tired and my back felt no better. The temptation to give up and get back to the hostel to rest then call it a day was really great. Greater was the ideology that it was a mistake to decide to not go to the doctor. I spend so much time actually battling with my mind that the moment I stop to rest, I find myself struggling to even have faith in anything. I pushed myself has hard as I could to go the extra mile and tell myself to not think about the pain or anything, just look to God for some miracle. A few more strikes of the pain and the cold and I gave in. day 2 battle was lost. I was expecting to go on a wheelchair any moment of the journey back to my room but God was kind to show me that he has already won, and if I had took a few more steps to believe in him, I could have probably proven to myself that I could in fact begin taking big leaps of faith. the night something nice happened too, my friend from Malaysia turned up, and finally arrived to be my now neighbor.

Day 3

My friend's uncle came and brought us out to have a look around New Castle. I am actually kinda happy to know that I stay really really near China town. All the food that I so love are not too far from me. To add up, God granted that 2 of my friends, (JJ, and the Korean girl (Jay)) can cook Asian food really really well. So a nice blend, and I am pretty sure I will enjoy my stay in UK. Moving around was really tiring for my back, but today I somehow felt more than prepared for the test of faith. I noted that I walked longer than I believed I normally could. My back was definitely hurting, but I remembered the scriptures teaching : to Go by faith and not by sight. To not trust the mind or the heart as both are deceitful and filthy with the flesh. I can safely say, feeling the power of God in me, I walk as though I never had back pain, and I never felt more supprised with God too I guess. The cold weather, painful back.. Normally would have caused me to give up and ask my friends to get me a wheelchair, but today I felt God already telling me that victory is in my hands.

Day 4

Pretty much like day 3

day 5

I have absolutely no idea what happened. The temptations came again. Same old temptations as the previous few days, and this time I let fear grip me. I can't even remember how it did. What Peter did when I failed to continue walking on the water, I felt myself doing too. Sure enough, soon I felt my back hurting more and more, and by night, I was once again worried if I can walk the next day or not. As I was taking a shower before declaring it a day, I never felt such a hard let down on myself and God coming before. Till today, my prayer for myself and my stay is that regardless of anything, I cannot be on a wheelchair in UK. No doctors, no nothing, just God. For the sake of telling myself that God does not need my works or anyone. Just plain old faith. I wonder how this battle will hold out.

3 days before flying to UK

2011-09-16T22:46:00.002+08:00

I still don't seem to be feeling anywhere near anxious or anywhere near worried regarding the stay or anything about flying or staying in the UK. Probably the only worry in my mind would be regarding the medical condition of mine regarding my back because the doctor said that in cold conditions my back problems might resurface (more like will) so there is some faith issue in this, believing that God will help me "walk on waters". Though no anxiousness yet, I expect that they will only appear on the day itself. A lot of mix feelings though.

Personally feeling restless because I'm not really involved in anything yet. This is like one of those transit moments you have in the airport. Only problem is instead of 2 hours, it's been nearly 2 months now, and the waiting is getting nastier. I have been quite busy and caught up in my preparation for the next few miles. Reading more christian books on faith, leadership, great commission, marketplace ministry, prayer. I decided to give theology a skip again. (personally don't really see any benefit in going over and over those meaningless arguments unless they can contribute a significance to my walk with God.

Ooo, the other thing that I have been doing a lot, nearly everyday now, is going out to eat because my grandparents so desires. Or rather more like a family reunion happens from time to time? hahaha. Ok. Rest of the posts will be up in UK. Unless I get inspirations on either Saturday or Sunday.

The Kingdom of God

2011-09-12T21:33:00.002+08:00

Is not just heaven, but is everywhere. Many make the mistake of thinking that either Earth is God's kingdom, or else either heaven, or some confinement to a certain area. In truth, God owns all. Ah, but this post is not about that so it drops here, and the next question comes out.
Since we have establish that everywhere is Gods kingdom, then its proper that we regard our work place as one too. Now, the question is, what does our work place looks like if Gods kingdom have been properly established? Or better put, since it always is properly established, how do your work place actually looks like if it has been reclaimed for God?

We usually are so concern about what to do to get the place to want God more, but the funny thing is most of the time we never even thought about what should we then do if all these succeed. A book i'm reading about marketplace ministry by Graham Power called "Transform Your Work Life." Dion Foster is a Pastor of the church Methodist Church in US ( I can't remember which part) One of the testimonies that he added into the book was, he was having lunch with one of his "maturer" members of his congregation, and during this lunch in particular, he normally would complain about how little people would be involved in prayer meetings and how tired he was on delivering sermons after sermons to inspire people to come for prayer meetings and bible studies or get involve in some ministry. The other member then ask the pastor a question with no ulterior motive, but that question gotten the pastor thinking. What happens if your preaching this Sunday really works and the congregation all starts participating in the ministry that you just promoted? It struck the pastor because the pastor has been indulging in the idea of the failure for all these while that he himself did not had a clue on what to do if such a 'success' really came his way.
So, for starters, what do you think Malaysia would be like if all of Gods laws are observed by everyone?

Faith

2011-09-09T01:18:00.002+08:00

Recently the Lord have been questioning my faith a lot. I never did think that there was one moment where by I have sufficient faith in God, but I never knew that I had this little either.
As you all know, I have a problem with my back.
The easiest way out is, to go and see a doctor, subscribe to his medicine and treatment. The question that have then been challenged into my face, why is it that I trust the medicine and the doctor more than I trust my own God. I have learned that God is sufficient, not requiring anything to add on to his power, he is almighty and all knowing, all powerful, all deserving of worship, and words have failed time and time again to describe him. Probably someone should invent a 100 letter word to describe God then it won't be all that bad trying to think up words to describe God. Ok, like for example, my God is Rgrhgrjbrgjrghrgkjrbgkjgbrwgkjrjbggjrgklahgrgrghkgahkrwsgkjbvffaewofaeworgalhgabljvabrwhjggbkjdgfsbk

which for your information is really really really powerful. Ok. Enough crap.

I know what God is (or rather I think I do) I know he does not need humans, but chooses to work through them, I know he make all things, and that in truth, he only needs to say the word, and the world can turn 5000 times in 1 second. (though we all believe he won't do that for now) Who knows, he might actually wanna do that for the fun of it?

So back to me. It takes a lot of me than to believe that I do not need the doctor. That I can just go fine enough without the doctor and proceed with life. ( play basketball though I'm not at all convince I can) But in truth that's Gods power. Why on earth does he needs the help of doctor when he can jolly well say the word and I can walk. Heck, he actually does not need my faith. Not at all limited by my limited believing power to do whatever he pleases. And I tell you, he is really powerful, really big. Just watch indescribable is is enough to tell you that this God whom we serve ( or for some, supposed to serve) is huge!

2 verses in the bible, the righteous shall live by faith. (and) Without faith, it is impossible to please God. @@. So faith is a big issue after all...... And truth is we are all still lacking faith. Yes... like it or not. You and I..... (unless you can tell me sincerely you are going to part the red sea tomorrow -don't cheat, the news paper will tell)

Ok, now for the serious part....
The disciples knows this. That their faith alone will never please God. It's so far from the requirement. Gods standards is high. And in truth, if we do not match it, we are goner. For real. If we do not have enough faith, meaning we shall not please God, and we are not righteous, thus does not go to heaven. Shocking but true. Read Romans to get the clearer picture. So, as usual, the disciples ask Jesus, Give us more faith. Jesus answers :Faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains. Ain't that wonderful? It does not mean that your faith is less than a mustard seed. It means that as long as you believe in the amount of faith you already have, you are there. As long as you believe with the faith that you have, then you are there. Faith is a gift to begin with. A gift from heaven.

In Kluang

2011-08-27T00:09:00.002+08:00

I am not bored. Hahaha

That really is what I wanna say. But I really am not used to a situation where I need not take the lead in initiating a bible study or a prayer meeting. Though yes. I am really happy and relieved, I feel uncomfortable with myself because I'm not initiating prayer movements or doing a bible study with someone. Ok, better put would be now I return to only being part of it and participating in it. Back in INTI, I have to lead it. I sure feel more relieved of a lot of burdens, but I now find myself not used to this position however refreshing it actually is.

I do know however, the intention of God behind this. To teach me how these things are actually done. Recently I have been once again given the chance to participate in the prayer meetings of those who were and now return to being my mentors in this areas once again. Coming back to Kluang always feels like a time to refresh, and find the answers to the questions that I have. For some reason, I find myself having the assurance that by returning to Kluang, I will find the answers to whatever questions left unanswered.

Once again, I come back to a humbling position of observing how the "pros" lead, participate, and learn.

Vietnam episode 3

2011-08-08T00:02:00.011+08:00

Ok. I admit this is long due...
look closely at the banner and you shall be enlightened!! haha

Hey, whats up people, now lets continue the story about Vietnam.

Ok... I know... you want to see the tunnel. You heard so much about it and you are now telling me, Jonathan!! 2 post already and why haven't you put up anything of the tunnel? Did you back pain got the better of you that you broke down in Vietnam? Did you even go? Were you allowed to take pictures? Or your usual self got the better and you gotten lazy to take photos? Ok, ok, I shall show you what the tunnel looks like. It's not what you will expect though.

Nevertheless, here we go!

See? Like OMG! so modern!? What did they do to the original tunnel? Like seriously? was this at the site? Yes. I took this at the site. Those in the picture (Dad and Brother) can serve as gurrantees) Can fit in tanks, planes Bombs.. yes. the rumours are true. It's an underground base. Enough to host an operation against US so easily. And you were wondering why US is considered high power right? I mean if someone can build something of this level at that age, they must be really really good. Like loaded with skilled workers.

DON'T MESS WITH VIETNAM!

Ok, Just kidding. (nevertheless, feels like you all are expecting something like this) here are the real stuffs.

This is how the underground HQ looks like from the top.

This is the close up picture of the entrance,

This is the inside of that HQ. What was then the briefing room now is used as a mini national geographic room to "educate" people which side is the good side, and which side is winning. Ah well, can't expect Vietnam to say, we are the baddies! We slaughtered Americans! Or the Americans to do vice visa right?

Ok, this is what I thought to be one of the most awsome stuffs

Look closely at it. This is the ventilation for the tunnel. Its actually a termite nest. Termite nest are already big and bulky, so to notice a whole on one especially in the heat of battle is not an all together easy thing to do.

This is the entrance into the tunnel. The famous Cu Chi Tunnel. It's just big enough for a man to enter. It's a wonder how the soldiers actually go in at a super fast speed because its a really narrow hole.

This is one of the trenches that was used during the war. Due to rain and the weather, movements, other factors, now it became like a mini river.

this is a video of the traps that was used during the war and how the trap works. I have never posted videos I took so go easy on me. ><

Right. Finally, I need to show off a little too.

Ummm. Paintball??? What is that?? I only know how to fire the REAL thing!! hahahaha.

Below are pictures of me firing an AK.

The one thing that will make me not want to ever fire an AK-47 ever again is the sound. So Loud! I nearly went deaf, mind you, I was wearing 2 mufflers. Oh, the recoil of the rifle is really a lot more than a pistol or an automatic. So after shooting, the next day, my arms and legs are super sore. @@

So since I'm so sore, I had to go home, and start to plan the next mission of understanding Vietnam with my private.

Ok, shall be back when the reports from the next mission comes back.

_________________________
I have added cool emoticons to this message.
To see them go to http://x.exps.me?eb04c110b4226eda7d077667c6c62a00

Vietnam episode 2

2011-08-07T00:24:00.007+08:00

Today was extremely eventful in my quest to discover more about the culture and parts of Vietnam. Here we go. I took as many pictures as possible to be used as evidence for the purpose of trying to explained what is the culture and lifestyle of Vietnam.

I must first say that people here loves motorbikes. A lot.

Oh, also note that guys or girls, both also rides motorbikes like how we ride cars.

Did I mention that it is a left hand side drive here? Feels like being in America.
Actually, the patrol price here is horribly high. People can barely afford to buy petrol the way we do, thus not being able to afford a car. The rich here however are really capable of buying nearly everything. They own drivers, Big cars, big house, the difference between the rich and the poor is literally like the prince and the pauper. Oh, a few pictures about the buildings. They are literally joined to each other, and the style makes it looks like downtown Chicago?

The city is not the closes to being the cleanest city, rather Malaysia would rank as more clean and well organised compared to Vietnam. The people here no doubt are more independent. University students here have 3 months after entering university to look for a part time job. Their parents will not bother to finance their education after those 3 months, though of course there are exceptions. No doubt the people here easily becomes cheats and a lot hard skin around the face, the way how they carry on their lifestyle and how they dress tells how street smart they leave their lives. In fact, my first impression about this place is it does not seem to suit the people. A land producing one of the most beautiful girls in the world, looking so horribly out of shape. I can't say I'm not amused.

Also, it's not all that different from Malaysia. The people in the city stays in flats, condos, apartments, the people of the rural places have land to themselves. City life here consist of pretty much what is the same city life in our parts, only a lot more busier. Probably the people in Vietnam are more hard working? My dad who works here says, the women are extremely hard working, and the men.. extremely lazy. As a result, women of Vietnam seems to crave for Malaysian man, thinking they are better.

From vietnam

2011-08-05T23:58:00.005+08:00

Hello people

This is your friendly Whatever-you-wanna-call-me typing from Vietnam. Currently its a raining season here, and weather report from the weather report-man- Clone Jonathan :

"It's kinda warm yet cooling here. Don't seem to be very much different from Malaysia, but I have only been here for a few hours."
ok (kicks the clone away). Things here looks much more packed then KL city. I'm in Ho Chi Minh (Saigon) City and comparison of this place.. It's looks most like Rio from Brazil, or China Town from USA. Packed densely house touching house. Coming from Malaysia, I always wondered how on earth does someone like Spiderman swing from place to place, there are barely any adjoining big tall buildings in Malaysia. But in Ho Chi Minh, lets say the prince of Persia can jump from building to building.

No pictures of the city yet, it's approaching midnight, but I now provide pictures of my apartment. Please say it looks good.^^

this is the living room.

My family in the living room

A better picture of my family in the living room

the kitchen. Thats my mom
This is my bedroom. Any comments? No? Good.

Another picture from another view of the living room
Master bedroom.

Most of the staying premises in Ho Chi Minh are flats, Apartments, Condominiums. Houses regardless of whether they have land are own only by the rich.

stay tune for more. (I promise to continue the series I promised, events just come)

Good bye

2011-08-03T00:34:00.002+08:00

Nope. Not continuing the saga that I have started yet ( though yes, I promise to continue it)

This post is something that points out my current mental state and what are my concerns before leaving INTI.

Not the end of this blog. Just good bye (in a way hopefully) to the college (now turned university) that I have been studying in for so long and the people whom I have been serving. I always imagined myself doing this while watching how others who have left. Picturing myself giving a good speech that will leave a memory in the minds of others. Then when the moment came that I can say something to the people I have been serving, somehow all that I have prepared myself to speak about all these while, just won't come out of my mind. It's not that I forgotten about it, rather I still do remember what I want to say, just can't find it being appropriate when the right time came. Gosh, ain't it often that this happens.

I honestly want to leave inti, and continue with my studies, finish it up, and get out to the working world. Or at least to where I think I should be once my educations are completed. Frankly speaking, I can no longer see myself in the legal field working anymore. Can't picture myself working as a lawyer, or judge, or politician, or anything around that line. I can't picture myself as a normal clerk, businessman, or a major in the area of science. Areas regarding arts, history, and the lot are also out of my scope. I find myself getting strangely more and more attracted to becoming a full-time worker in the church. Probably don't even mind pastoring one. Problem would be, my family would never agree to such a wild statement nor believe one that is coming from one nearly as young or lacking in maturity as me.

To say that I'm leaving this place carefree of heart is also a lie. I'm worried for the work that I have passed to those whom I have entrusted. Worried not that they cannot keep up, but worried about whether they can even do it. Whether they can brave the obstacles and continue to push on and not let it die down. Honestly, from how things have been proceeding around here. I'm most worried that the prayer movement I have started and entrusted down will vanish entirely with my appearance. As of now, nearly 5 prayer meetings was canceled because the newly appointed leader is too afraid to proceed, and worse yet. None of the committee demonstrates team spirit (besides the president) and none are in a way bonded. All expecting their part of the miles to walk to be covered, but never intending to walk those of others. How disappointing to look at the disunity combined with the I-could-not-careless-about-God kind of attitude that was displayed.

Right now the feeling of leaving inti is no longer one commonly desired feeling. I feel extremely anxious to be out of inti, while the feeling of leaving things open ended is not at all reassuring that things will go well. All that I can do is pray all flow smoothly like magic, and wait and see what happens. Once again, I'm back in a situation where I realize that I am in control of nothing at all.

Reality taken from the bible

2011-07-29T17:15:00.002+08:00

If you do look up the book of revelations (though many other books of the bible like Isaiah also talks about it), you can't help but wonder if we are living in the end times itself.

I will now interpret the current situation in light of the revelations given through the book of Daniel.

The Book of Daniel talks about how the Israelite went into exile and from there on, the "old Christian world" was an exile not to the other countries, but to a spiritual country of Decay. Critically look at the verses in the bible. At the start, chapter 1 explains that the Israelite were not given the benefit of continuing their own culture. A less detailed look based on the bible: the people of Israel are now deported into Babylon. Note: It is the start young men. The cream of the crops of Israel who were deported into the land of Babylon. And what happened next? Brainwashing. The people of Israel were renounced their culture, and forced to take on Babylonian culture. What more, it is not the normal citizens of Israel that are being brainwashed, but the cream of Israels citizen that are targeted. The fine young men. On top of being forced out of their homely culture, the next thing that happens is being forced away from their God. (more like God rejected them)

The visions that Daniel then have were all regarding the changing of empires. From Babylonian to Persian. From Persian to Greek, and from Greek, to the ultimate defilement of the Church of that time. Ok. That's enough of explanatory work, now for the main meal.

Have you ever wondered why the church of today is getting more and more decadent? I mean look at it. We back-stab each other like never before. Last time during the days, there were no such thing as denominations. The only distinguishing factor was that each church was named after their country. Eg, the Church of Corinth, the Church of Rome, the Church of Macedonia. No such thing as the Brethren church, the Baptist church, the Presbyterian Church.. None of this sort. On top of having the many denomination, today the church has lost the doctrine of Church. Who is the church? You and me! But today, the doctrine is different. Who is the Church? Response people will give is more like- I'm from FGA, I'm from Presby, I'm from Logos. On top of that, each denomination has a distinction between each other regarding the word that they preach and the ministry that they do. Funny isn't it? The defense used against this is--> one body many functions. The church today looks more like many body no functions to be honest, but that is not the main point. The main issue is, in no way was the doctrine supposed to be interpreted that way. In no way was the reason behind the creation of the new "denominations" for those reasons either. You see, if the Church building is supposed to differentiate people of many gifts (which Paul got angry about) then the 5 ministers. pastors won't be pastoring us, Prophets, Teachers, Missionaries. They will each be 1 church (which is what that is actually happening) The bible speaks that the gifts are to be used together. So the correct interpretations is in one church it is ideal that all the gifts are present. Wouldn't it be weird if the church you are going to, no one can speak in tongues and all do healing? and in my church, all can only do healing? and the church next door all can only do teaching? If that is what God wants, he might as well create a factory. Back to the main picture.

Cuture. Look at the media culture. To be honest, we just exited Greek. so whats next will be the worse of the worse. But since this post has already have a topic of it's own, I will save the reading for the next post thank you very much.

Have a good day.

And today..

2011-07-21T03:15:00.002+08:00

Alright. Going for prayer meetings as exams draws closer does not seem like the smartest thing to do. Especially when I do need all my time to study. But truth is, this is the time when prayer would be mostly neglected or avoided without actually knowing that now is the time when prayer be the most important. This mistake, I shall not make again.
It is extremely encouraging to pray along side someone who loves prayer. More encouraging to see pray with someone who don't just loves prayer, but loves God till they are extremely willing and trying to leave pleasing lives on to Christ. It is fulfilling when you pray with at least 10 of them together, and satisfying when you are given the privilege to mentor one from scratch.
I never had hopes or dreams that I would be given the chance to see one of such a Christian come up from scratch. Loving God so much, striving his best, renouncing every area of his life, though on a worldly circumstance, he have everything. Recognition, fame, qualifications. But his salvation meant so much more than all these that when a call to learn how to pray and read the bible on a higher level came, he took it instantly. Only 2 months old I warrant, also constantly being tormented by evil spirits because of a past that indulges in occultism, I didn't really pay much attention to growing him. Much I payed to those that God put in front of me, and I thought were the most potential of potentials. What delight it really is to suddenly have a glimpse of Gods remnants that he kept.

It came nearly instantly. As fast as he accepted Christ. Right after the true message of repentance was preached, he literally turned 180'c. What Christians called impossible,but what the bible called born again. The very instant we thought him what the bible says, he went back and done it without delay. It felt like we were watching a revival took place just by looking at the wonderful changes that was displayed in his life. I'm feeling very joyful now as I watch him learn how to pray in tongues, trust God in understanding the prophesies and visions given to him in intersession periods, and take Gods word with such seriousness. One that even the "mature" does not display.
Its a joy to see you grow Mark. It's a bigger joy to know that when I come back from UK, You would already be able to talk on par with me by then, probably even mentor me? haha. Alas I cannot bear close witness to you growing which I personally would live to observe. Its a lesson that all the self-proclaimed "mature" including me should learn that you displayed. I pray you be a blessing to the Cf in inti, and a joy to Daniel as well as Ming Jeff, A delight to the group in Semarak, a minister to the local Church, and a wonderful Child of God. Hope to see you soon when I get back from UK.

A chapter is closing soon

2011-07-15T01:41:00.003+08:00

Today marks the day where my involvement in cf is near its end. Where my time in inti has nearly ran out. I wonder if I did leave the impact God wants me to leave. I wonder if I have led the life that pleases God, and inspires many others to please God as well. I just receive notes wishing me well, and fairwell terms. Most were also thanking me for the impacts I left in their life. Well... Pride does fill me when mentioning this part. Its not that I don't fall, I do. A lot more than what you think in fact. But God's been kind to sustain me this far.
Anyway. Last words I have for many of you from INTI. Don't worry. Consider this like how Paul speaks to Timothy. Nothing with intention to do personal hurt. I really want, and have loved watching all of you grow.

--> To people from my cg

Ah... It's been a wonderful year fellowshiping, leading, and giving all bible studies, and going out for meals with all of you. All of you have grown. And a lot too. I pray continually that you guys continue to grow in God. Keep the good faith. Read your bible day and night. Tie it to your heads, and memories it so it stays in your hearts always. Pray everyday and more often too. End times are coming, and false prophets are everywhere. Equip yourselves , and stay united so you don't get cheated by these people. Some have even preached in cf without us knowing! Above everything, do everything with the intention to please and worship God, so you can also look back at your lives and say, I have fought the good fight, run the good race, and thus I'm worthy of the trophy. I pray one day we get to meet again so we can encourage each other.

--> Those whom I mentored.(I now won't consider mentoring anyone, since God did all the work)

Continue to learn and progress from what I have thought you. I only know basics, so I can only teach basics. But if you want more solid stuffs, you MUST discipline yourselves to read the word of God more often than you are now. Pray having more faith in the prayers you have, and give glory to God always though it can seem that many the times, you had put effort into seeing the thing coming to past. Discipline yourselves to walk the lives God showed you to, and live up right lives before him. The same words my mentor told me, I now tell you. Now, I talk to you as though you are a child, and in need of mentoring. The next time I talk to you, I shall talk as an equals already.

--> new Christians in cf and Christians who rededicated recently in cf. (haha, I know you guys personally, you know if I'm refering to you)

Welcome, or welcome back to the wonderful journey. Many are called, few respond. Be glad that you responded when God called. But remember, it was not you saved yourselves, but God saved you. God made the first move, and planned your salvation. Which is why he rightfully earned the name God. My normal advice is read timothy, but now I'm no longer the committee looking after you,( though as a Christian, I have a burden over you) I mean that I don't know what they plan to do, and what are Gods plans. So I leave you to their hands, and continue to pray for you guys. Trust them as they are the leaders God appointed over you, and if they make mistakes then God will hold them accountable, but if you do not listen to them, do take note that God holds you accountable. Finally, do not forget your gifts when the pastors and elders prayed over you to have. Continue to exercise it and encourage each other in the holy faith. You are called to the highest calling and privilege. Much has been and will be given to you. Not wanting to intimidate you ,but truth is, much will also be expected. turn to God for help when anything crops up.

And finally.. to the special group.

You know what you have done. You know how your walk with Christ is like. All the irregularities, missings of quiet time, and shunting of prayers. Heartless worships, and unfervent faith.The committee tells on and on. Be serious with God . So I don't wanna say no more, tired of saying already too. The Lord is patient. But don't test it. There will come a day where the Lord's wrath comes, and when that happens, all that is left is judgment. Please repent before its too late. If you do love God, you will change. You know what I'm talking about, and you know who you are.

Finally. I feel like as though I can say I ran the good race. But in truth I ran quite badly. Forgiveness from all I therefore ask. Hopefully though the chapter closed, Your involvements in the next chapter is not little. Keep in touch yos.

Worse people on earth

2011-07-08T22:09:00.002+08:00

Are Christians. Hippocrates the lot we are. All fake personality. On Sunday we come to church like an angel saying amen to what the pastor says, taking notes of his sermon reading the bible, worshiping God with all our hands lifted up. Before worship going shaking hands with every member in the name of fellowship. But in truth we have already finish backstabbing the entire church including the pastor. Church becomes the only time we read the bible and pray or even sing a song to our Lord and savior. The defense we use to make sure no one else tells us this is "let not anyone judge, for if you judge, God will judge you." Such kind of defense to cover up the nonsense that we do, also to make sure no one else tells us that our life's so f-up.

We go round blessing people telling them we will pray for them, telling them how much God loves them and that they should one day come to be a Christian because of the benefit, but in truth, we never even spoke to God even once for the week, all the time claimed, too busy doing work and catching up with the "rat race". The so little faith us do not intend to ever let God take charge of even one portion of our lives, and even rebuke those who have allowed God one inch by calling them fanatic, happy-go-luckies, liars, false preachers. Our prayers are so fake, the way we raise our hands are comical, and we actually can barely hear God speak when we read the bible because we all along don't want to listen to him. We are only interested in our own reasoning.

In Cf, we go bless a brother, in truth we are expecting much from them. We talk about walking extra miles, actually meaning to tell the brethren to walk our miles for us, and when others ask us for even a small helping hand, we tell them how busy we are. True. we are busy hiding our face.
We are more caught up in theories of how to be a Christian, even taking up classes on how to defend those theories like apologetic, and theology. But when someone comes up to us and tells us to live our lives, we turn around and challenge the bible itself, asking of its validity, sometimes going to the extend of questioning the validity of the version of the bible. Truth is we never read the bible, let alone know it.
We look at our non-christian friends and think how bad they really are. How much they need God. but in truth, the one that needs God is us. Devils incarnate. We tell them about God, which actually is not him, because we don't go according to the bible. Too scared to, so we tell what we think God is. Hopping they will like it and join our ranks. Then we start wondering why the person does not join in, or why Gods blessings has not come.
I am ashamed. Not because I am among the ranks, but I'm the very person that I have despised. Oh Lord I have sin. Please forgive me. Renew in me your soul and your heart, that I may not lose your holy spirit. Do not take away your conscience from me, but take thy wrath from me and welcome me into your presence that I may live my life pleasing to you again.

The past is not fun

2011-07-06T23:19:00.002+08:00

Oh, its not fun at all when someone brings up a past that is worse than embarrassing, but rather shameful without them actually knowing how ashamed you are of that past. Today, it happened again. (time to emo)

I have just learned today that writing is a therapy for emotional problems because it is throwing out what is actually hiding inside. Not entirely true, as you would usually still feel really bad to the extend of being unable to concentrate, so I find that the only way to get rid of emotional problems is to go to God. Oh, that's not what this post is about, so back to the post...

I don't like the idea of myself having so many xes any more because I firmly believe that I have to trust God on deciding on which girl do I actually marry. Complicated way of thinking I have. Its like this. God decides who we marry. He prepared one particular one for us, and specially only for us. So I believe that we should wait. Wait for that particular girl to turn up. then we propose, and enter courtship. No, I'm going to test out this person. No, I need to know this person better. No, finding out, nothing. Since the bible says to let my yes be yes and my no be no, I will be direct and precise about what I say. The principle is about faith because you cannot please God without it. So it's having faith that God will bring the right one to you at the right time at the same time granting you the right opportunity. And note, it's God prepared already. So it cannot be that someone else will take her from you. It will be the case where you don't even need to fight for it. On the other hand, to both guys and girls, it should seem like the situation where both sides come knocking at each others door.
I believe this kind of mindset is not impossible, but it's the dream that we all have. For it to happen is like a dream come true. The problem is we are not confident in ourselves, We also are worried that God brings the one that is not suitable, or we worry we are unable to identify which one God has prepared for us. The most common of them all however is, we feel lonely to the extend we cannot wait. We see people around us already getting into relationships, and we want our part of the share. Then thus the pressure. People blame Hollywood, but I think people in themselves always want to be in a place where there is this one special person who can understand and identify with their problems, and share a romance with them. Interestingly, people don't want that person to be God, which is why, many think singlehood is a curse.

Going all over again?

2011-06-29T01:23:00.002+08:00

I just had 2 very productive, realistic, painful, and yet fun conversations.

1st conversation was with my mom, and it started like that

Mom : Jonathan, you have a very bad listening skill.

I just look at her. Don't know what to say or expect from it. and finally,

me: Sometimes I respond slow to you or anyone because I don't know how to respond. So either I'm thinking of what to say, or I think silence is better than talking?

Mom : That's not what I meant though its something that you have to improve also. what I mean is that you don't listen very well in conversations. You talk too much. Most of the time you don't give enough space to others to talk.

Aye.. That be true that I am a bad listener. And probably that's why I often feel unpopular or don't know what to talk about next because I have said too much or else soon realised I did say too much because things I'm not supposed to say or have made a decision not to speak that way have just been converted from thoughts into conversation parts. Another skill to train. Problem is the social me is getting rather retiring now a days. Either I'm too shy or hesitant to call others out, or else I did not made myself free enough? ......

2nd conversation was with an old friend.

It was about some general body building stuffs, then it became about being cg leader.

I paused there thinking it be better to allow him to initiate and start learning to listen. to my surprise, he didn't talk about how good he lead cg, but rather how difficult it really was and considering he was an old hand as well. Interestingly, he avoided all the gossip holes that I usually fall into too. Something else that I too have to learn.

he started : being Cg leader ar, I can tell you, sooner or later you will feel discouraged then burn out wan. Because in wanting to do whats right, you will have to face the question of the popular cg. He was cg leader for a long while before, and was vice president of a cf. Lead cgs for people from 1 particular environment that I also lead for about 3 years. He said, most of the time the discouragement is, you done everything. Sms the people, call them, call them out for dinner or so. But they still don't turn up for cg. You pray for them, do bible study with them. Prepare the lessons properly, but they still don't turn up. The common worry is that whether there will be a future succession. Something I can identify most with is how badly he felt like giving up.

Which also leads to the next point. Ok, I admit, I still do suffer from low self-esteem, depression, loneliness, anxiety, which result from pride, and a lack for humility. 3 years ago, my mentor told me, the way I treat others is a good sign of where I actually am. Of course the "said" regarding how I treat others was not another nice thing to talk about.

Why people usually do not delegate, do not trust others in executing certain task or acts is because they cannot accept failure. Failure as in the failure of the task and not by the person. If the person is better, and we know it, on a normal circumstance, if not all the time, we will pass the work to them. But if in anyway we don't think highly of the person or dislike him, which results from us finding it hard to entrust him with the responsibility, its also logical to say for that same responsibility, we won't allow ourselves to fail. No failure, though we are not Gods. And in someway (though big look it's impossible to not) become less confident in ourselves and yes. Low self esteem. Which is also another reason why many find it hard, some claimed impossible to trust their emotions. And by this, we find it hard to mix with others, which in actual fact is a personal problem, cos really, the truth is we find it hard to accept that the person can fail, especially fail in THAT particular area. I was then told. Magic formula : learn to love yourself. Truth : that's the only way, and it's no magic. look at it long enough and you realise. it's impossible to work on actually. there is a need for extreme external force.

Want vs Need

2011-06-14T19:02:00.002+08:00

At one point of time, it will and is difficult to distinguish between need and want. Do we need education? Do we need to live? Do we need to have fun? Do we need emotion?

Ok at the emotic part of this post, you will well, find that even the author of this blog knows not what he is writting.

Chronicles of the cloudy mind 2

2011-06-08T00:00:00.002+08:00

I wonder if anyone will read this to the end. (Disclaimer: this is risky reading. I guarantee this.)

At this time I wonder, why all these? What on earth is going on? Why am I stuck in situations like this? Things would be so much easier if either one of these happens.

--> I'm In a stupendously more "God fearing" environment that I virtually belief and fantasize about. Half of what I now worry would then not be a worry, and the other half would not exist. Things probably be more clear and less difficult to follow. Or rather, I belief I won't be finding it so hard to find support.

--> I'm not a Christian. I'm saying this not because I'm considering renouncing faith, but rather because I know I will not, this comes the tendency to look and think that paths and pastures on the other side seems to be a lot more green. Nearly 90% of the fundamentals or beliefs that makes me/us or whoever different and "weird" compared to the rest of the crowd can now be neglected for real. I don't need to worry about lax standards of life style. I can be as loose as I want, I can be as wild as I want. I can pursue any dream I want. Its easier to please my parents and grandparents because I will practically be able to live their "American dream" with no difficulties and belief me, I would also love to live that dream.

I am plague with a lot of thoughts. Why am I the only one to seem to be struggling to find myself while everyone seems to have already become contented with where and what they are? I want to. Seriously, not be the strange one. But I can't. I will stop myself from doing and associating with so many things simply because it does not pleases my God. Cannot be done. Day in day out, everyone tells me to be less involved in cf, unless they benefit from it, then I be expected to carry a few more miles. I can't help it but belief now that once you are ever willing to walk extra miles, people will begin to be piling their miles on top of you. No wonder no one wants to be a leader because being a leader means being a servant. Rather, it be better to be a dictator.

Now that I'm finally back in the seat where I want to retire but cannot, want to do something but cannot, want to go after my own dreams but cannot, I really don't know what to pray for either. I can't help it but wonder why am I not dead? I mean, now what?

The loneliness that I have been feeling. When I look around, I can't seem to find a peer that I can identify with. Everyone seems to be in a different world from me. I look around and can't help it but wonder, why am I always the odd one out. Why must my thinking always be different from everyone else. Its not that I want to think too much, rather, I am unable to think the way you probably are thinking now. It just will not make sense to me.

Yesterday a friend ask me why am I studying law. I now have to turn around to myself and also ask, yea, why am I studying law?

Chronicles of the cloudy mind

2011-06-05T02:30:00.002+08:00

When my back pain starts cracking up, I start thinking of how useful I actually am to others, all the bad things I have done, and analyse all the times I thought I done well. You may think I'm too critical sometimes, but I think I'm too linen that I make so many uncalled for mistakes.

My series of back problems do make me realised that what I used to use a lot can be taken from me the next instant I wake up. One moment I can walk, the next moment after my meals, I lost even the ability to balance my body.

Apologies to those I have been mean to this week, my back problems finally starts causing me to emo really badly.

God never ask us to

2011-05-25T13:19:00.001+08:00

Interpret the bible.

--> we are all along asked to only READ the bible and not interpret it. God in his word says I will interpret it for you. I will make known what has not been made known to the wise. no one can know the son unless the son reviews himself to them. The whole trouble is that humans are so full of pride that we believe in our own understanding and try to interpret it on our own. The way to read the bible is to just read it. Then trust God to review what he has written in the bible to us. Understanding it is not our problem, it is Gods problem. That's why non-Christians cannot understand the bible. The reason is not being that God does not want to review it to them, but unless someone knows how to have faith in God, and practices that faith, the mysteries of the bible will not be reviewed to them. One cannot understand something God level, unless someone with a God level understanding reviews it to them. If someone without a God understanding attempts to study the bible, then all that comes out is a narrow understanding from a little box. No, the steps to reading the bible is READ it, and as you read it, by faith you believe that God will make sense of it to you without you needing to try to make sense of it.

Heal, exorcise, change people, converting people.

The whole point about praying for other people is letting that person experience God first hand on his own. Nothing to do with our own power. With this reasoning, the logical should be that even if we do not really know God, there should be no reason that we cannot do any of this. Today, if I get to know you, and after getting to know you, which is the better way to allow me to know your friend, to talk to your friend about me or to bring your friend to me? The reason why Jesus said with faith the size of a mustard seed, you can move mountains is not trying to tell us that you can move mountains, but that if you believe He can move mountains, then the mountain will be moved even if you have doubts along that believe. Reason being it is not us moving but him. In the first place all these work are not works of the flesh, but works of the spirit, that's why God demands that we trust in him that he will work his miracle.

Survive

To those who hold on to their life, they will lose it. To those who gives up their life, they will gain it with life everlasting and more abundant. Jesus never bothered about surviving but he lives

worry about anything including ministries

Cast all your worries on to me. Give me your burden, and carry mine instead for my burden is light. Do not worry about anything for your father in heaven will provide for you. do you not see the sparrows? are they not well clothe? Even Solomon in all his splendor cannot compare with them. You are more valuable than birds to God, so do not worry. seek ye first the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added to you.

sour sweet.

2011-05-23T01:39:00.003+08:00

Coming back from the camp came with many different knowings. I know more about what my weaknesses are like and how they get triggered. Its kinda funny how weaknesses of everyone is actually the same. The temptations face by everyone can be said to not be so different from each other thats why we can understand each other. Most of the time in fact, we can see the mistakes of others is because we do have the same problems ourselves. The camp is so much of a learning experience and self discovery. I brought non-Christian friends to the camp expecting the best for them, hoping that they be able to experience the power of God.

Based upon the facts of what happened to them, many have experience God but still cannot bring themselves to lay down their pride to accept him into their lives. Being a person who has accepted Christ as my lord and savior already, I cannot understand the reason why so much pride can still be contained in a person to the extend that despite knowing how much one has suffered for the sake of another, surrendering his life to the person is harder than surrendering their lives and placing themselves into the mercy of the conducts of "professionals" to take care of them more than depending on God himself.

Much have been experienced about God hand how Great he really is. The theme for the camp is seek, still and surrender. Personally, there are so much that I seek for. so much that I would love to have and crave for. Most I know are personal stuffs, many not benefiting God in anyway. Why you will ask that I must think in such a way that every thing i do must benefit God. Since I am a Christian, the belief I have would be one of that I now am lawfully "property of God" so, it makes more sense to me that I must consider what God wants above what I want. Complicated I like to make my life, but I am more than convince that it is the right way to live, though easier said than done. I learned that asking is not enough. the missing element to prayer life is being still. deciding to not worry about what i pray for, and expecting the miracle that I prayed for. I too learned that in order to experience the miracles I long for, much must be sacrificed. last time I used to think that there really isn't anything dear to me. Nothing really held on to me as far as I can remember. But I never really held on to anything expect for relationships. Now, being no longer able to sing that tune because I do have something I treasure, something I don't want to lose. On top of learning to lose what I love, the problem is sacrificing for something I have no knowledge of. It's really difficult to trust to receive something when there never was a thought to ask or expect something in the first place., all the more when I'm very contented with what I have.

I can say, through the camp, I have learned let go and its meaning. I only haven't learn how to trust it to Gods care. At least there is somewhere I can start. Overall. the week has been eventful.

Midori No Hibi

2011-05-15T13:24:00.005+08:00

Ok, now to begin something else. A general review of a manga I like. ><

I guess posting up stuffs about how occult comes in can be pretty boring /unnerving/ and negative. Even I gotten tired of it.

ok. To begin with, I will introduce a Shonen Romance. --> Midori No Hibi

Ok, Minus the drawings of a girl with green hair, the anime has a good blend of girl/guy romance. It's one of those which I do think can interest a guy as well as a girl. However, I believe the manga is more suited for guys because of the drawing style. The romance involved is pretty shonen like. Some of which happens are also, I believe what guys go through regarding romance more than girls. (I wonder if the romance a guy craves is different from the ones a girl craves for.)

The story is about a delinquent in school being rejected by all girls he has approached for 17 years, and on top of that, being avoided by nearly everyone in school. People in his class even distant their desk from his. Emotionally torn to bits after the last refusal that he had, he ended up crying in his room over it lamenting out loud that he wouldn't mind anyone for a girlfriend. As he is lamenting, he wakes up to a small voice from his hand. Looks at his hand, and turns out its a girl. The girl claims to be from a prestigious school, but is commonly stalking him. The story then progresses with how their relationship goes on, to the boy proposing to the girl, resulting in her returning to her real body to come back and marry him.

I would say it starts out as a light hearted manga, with light hearted type jokes, but as the ending draws near, its impossible to not get emotional for the couple, let alone not cry at the ending. A worth while the read I find, But sadly there is no season 2. Probably the author decided to go for another type of story by then.

the usage of my holidays

2011-05-11T23:58:00.000+08:00

Things I have done

Sing Karaoke for 5 hours ( nearly faint doing it)

Go watch Movie. Ie

-Thor

-Fast and Furious 5

-Priest

tuned back bio clock

sleep like a log due to severe damaging to back since exam times

thats about how my holidays has been. Studying shall commence soon enough too

I suppose a review regarding the movies that I have been watching would be quite liken by people, so I shall post what I think of these 3

Story Line

Thor is based on the Marvel Comic Thor, and that has good backgrounds. So on a general note, because of the roots, the story line should be strong and interesting. Nevertheless, even giving 2 hours to this show would be too short due to the amount of pages of story that has already been developed over time. Not too very interesting because everything was a rush. Even the fightings does not feels that enjoyable because it looks like the bad guys dies too fast. The romance between Jane and Thor was also too much, taking out a lot of much needed time for the expansion of the actual plot and story line. Personally, I felt that less time devoted to the romance should be good. Very bad idea to compensate the movie by adding a development about the relationships Thor has. The movie is already supposed to be an action one. Making it this way looks like trying to imitate Spiderman but with less time. Spiderman was a smartly planed movie in that they used 3 sequels to show the relationship between Mary Jane and Peter Parker. Though Much still can be said about the whole thing, the story for Spiderman developed quite well for each sequel. Compared to Thor, it looks like Thor was trying to do what Spiderman did with 3 sequels with only 1 sequel, and obviously, very failed. The movie turns out to be lacking necessary action, too many undeveloped characters (eg: the villain), Quite a let down if you ask me. I rate the story line, 5 out of 10. (Do consider that it's 5 because it's a Marvel comic that was developed, and not the movie thats developed)

Fast and Furious 5

If it's meant to show just beautiful car racing and the lot, I think it done enough. But if it's meant to do more than that and convey a true message, then I think it has too much work not done. Nevertheless, given the nature of the theme given by force due to the name, I give the director credit for his work in turning a show that is only regarded more of a car show than a movie into something more watchable. If anyone is to be blamed for the movie, I blame Vin Diesel. Most dull lines combined with Actions rendering him "god" is not what I would expect a super hero to be like. Plus the way he plays the 'good guy' somehow annoys me. (I think the movie is about cars so I rate 5 out of 10)

Priest

Another movie lacking in depth because the directors didn't give the movie enough time. In fact, when the movie ended, my friends remarked that the movie seems to have finished prematurely. However, For the amount of time given to the movie, I would say the story actually developed very well. Sufficient knowledge regarding the characters was given, and there were enough moments dedicated to hide special inside story moments. The only thing was the relationship between the good guys and the common bad guys are like in an RPG game. As the characters move across the "barren lands" they keep on encountering enemy minions which can be depicted as the common creeps that anyone would be familiar fighting with in an RPG game. They even had gate guardians for the vampires "hive". The final battle with the so-called boss however was pretty premature like the directors was in a hurry to put the show to an end making it not one of those you will go back talking about. Thus a bit of disappointment there. (rating 6 out of 10)

Horrifying. this is part of the world we live in

2011-05-08T12:47:00.004+08:00

Ok. First things first. I'm all too happy that my exams has finally ended! Yay! Only problem is I spend 3-4 days not sleeping preparing for it and it took a toll of me. My back which was already on recovery feels more sore than ever, and I often get the dizzy feeling now a days. Looks like sleeping properly actually plays a larger difference of keeping healthy than what I actually know.

Ok, now that I'm back, I shall resume the task of exposing the knowledge that I just obtained. Here we go.

First. Allow me to explain the word clair. It's a French word. Means clear. Usually, the time this word appears is to signify something of a supernatural circumstance. The clear here does not literally mean clear, but it means closer to unobstructed. combine the word with voyance (which means sight) and you have the world clairvoyance. Which literally means clear sight. But it bares a spiritual meaning. clear sight in the spiritual sense that you have visions of what the normal eye cannot see. Usually meant to explain people who can gain information about a noun with abilities out of the human range. In other words, extra-sensory perception. Of course, sight is not the only one that is related to this. The other areas, Smell, knowledge, hearing, touch also have their own area of "supermaning". It is easier to understand what this would actually mean when you refer to the phrase "3rd Eye". The 3rd eye is something also closely related to the Illuminati. What are these 3rd Eye and Illuminati?

The 3rd Eye or the Illuminati in general should mean the capability of seeing something of the supernatural level. More like fore-knowledge of a supernatural level regarding any certain issue, and this supernatural knowledge can only be an abnormal demonic level of understanding regarding the issues which governs the reality of everyone. To add on to this demonic power, such people are also capable of manipulating the issues or situation to fit their agenda, and usually such issues will result in catastrophes for us. There is no doubt much to be said about modern art and usage of the current most powerful tool.

First of all, its good to know that the media industries in US is only owned by 5 companies ever since 2004. Now.... The numbers may have dropped.

The 5 I know are,

Most of the artist that we watch, music we listen to conforms to the likes of these 5 companies. Gaming, and many other areas of course are dominated by other companies. But as starters. May I suggest it being good in everyones interest to look up who are the smaller companies that were bought over by these big 5.

this time of the year

2011-04-26T02:15:00.001+08:00

The moment has arrived!! Where by this Mr Jonathan is once again plunged into stress and nerdiness as he attempts to confront his exams. Thus a bit of in activity here till the dates. After 6th of May the resume of the postings shall return. Feel free to look up older post for now. ><

Why I believe in the theories of conspiracy

2011-04-17T14:13:00.004+08:00

Truthful, and nothing but the truth. There is no point hiding that the modern practices of this world is full of what once was the practices of the occult.

Ok, I have bible verses and evidential proofs to support my conclusions about all these occult practices. But I think of now, I will just use whatever evidential facts I have to make this as reader friendly as possible and to answer the evidential burden that I have self entrusted.

But first of, not everything should be blamed to them, neither is everything caused by them. With so many factors like world end, political instability, democrazy ways of operating, and you get the world we are living in. You will then ask me, why do I believe that the world is so messed up and people are actually doing things like this? First. Understand this. Who is the ruling body of this world? It's not easy to come to terms to understanding who is the biggest ruler of the earth and what it is preparing itself for. What I am going to say can simply be the biggest conspiracy ever, but can also be the biggest coffee table rubbish too. What you want to believe is your own option, the truth however is not your option. A disclaimer too : this is from the belief system of a normal Christ believing Christian.

To start the whole thing off, We believe that the world is at war. Not a physical war, but a spiritual war. At the beginning of age before the creation of earth, a war was already going on. An arch angel of heaven by the name of Lucifer betrayed God. As expected of how the rebellion went in heaven, Lucifer lost, and was thrown out of heaven to hell. After this incident, Lucifer lost his name, and gotten a new name called Satan. He then went on to wage war against all that God has created and loved.

When God then created heaven and earth, Satan was not blur. He was at the know, and at the garden, Satan came down to destroy Gods creation by starting to put his footholds on earth. The temptation came to Adam and Eve and we know the results. Humanity 0, Satan 1. The war however did not end there, with humanity being an enemy of God at that specific time because of the lost and being dominated by Satan, God declared war on Satan, and God send his son in his ultimate plan to show down with Satan and we also know the result. God 1 Satan 0.

The war has not ended, and the final show down will be the end of age. As the bible says, the dragon has continued to wage war against the womens offspring. The world as it is belongs not to the creator. Though it's the creator that created the world, the world has lived and enjoyed the dominance of the Evil one. Thus whatever the world do will be to please the ruler. Since the ruler is so evil, tell me, why is it impossible to believe that people of this world who does not belong to God are capable of what you don't believe they are capable of?

My eventful week.

2011-04-13T23:24:00.005+08:00

Sharks and bamboo sticks, though they are all unfortunate events, I dare say its proof of how God sustained me. I actually am feeling very at ease even when so much has happened.

First things first that happens, I lost my wallet and in it my IC, bank card(debit card), my driving license, (now less and less important) RM 100, my MPH card,calendar, A few name cards. I miss my wallet. I miss my wallet. Ahh, though I complain about the piracy of the wallet created and how cetak-rompak the wallet is, it's better having all my docs with me rather than not. @@

When I first lost, my mind was so full of worries. I thought it's the end. I know what to do. The freezing of the bank account, reporting and getting a new IC. Not procedures that will bother me on a natural situation, but what bother me was where I'm going to get money to eat, what am I going to do now that my exams so soon, and how long will it takes to get all these back. More problematic is it all has to be done at home, and it will take days before I can get anything done. 12-15 days more to my exam and I'm barely prepared. So much work to do, I feel like I'm going to crash any time. Looks like I need God level time arrangement. Thank God that there are people willing to provide for me during such problematic times, namely Joshua Jason who has been kind to provide transport and cash so I don't go hungry.

Oh, by the way, as per the request to know how serious my injuries really ar, I took a photo of the treatment I just had. It's the cupping treatment. How it works is the Chinese herbalist will use heat and heat up my back first, then use a fire to heat up some bamboo, and put it on my back. the bamboo won't burn my back, but will suck the muscle into the bamboo real tight. if a persons muscle is all good, it should not have any change in color after removal of the bamboo, but upon removal of the bamboos from the back, the darker the color, the more serious the injuries. Have a good look at mine

the dark spots are actually black in color

The interesting thing is back damage. But how did shoulder come to play also? Apparently the shoulder damage is from any student who studies. (hehe, proof of my studious abilities and practices) when one studies/ use the computer (does not look so studious now) indirect stress comes on the shoulders. Don't ask me how, I'm the lawyer, not a medical man. Anyway the injury increases over time if not taken care of, and for students to know, sleeping late causes the injuries to worsen despite having good food /rest.

one more picture to scare the day lights out of you. You know how people always scare you about acupuncture? I can officially scare you with evidence because I am undergoing the treatments.

This is the length of the tube containing the needle. Note: the needle is the type where there is a handle to it, so this tube does not contain the whole needle, but the piecing part. The scary thing is the doctor says, this needle is not the biggest, it's the average size of a needle. For scary facts, my index finger is near 3 inch long.

Oh well. God sustained me well. I could have been not able to walk yet you know.

Spiritual slip disc

2011-04-12T23:03:00.002+08:00

A physical slip disc will result in a person being unable to move. I'm a person who has slip disc, so unarguably, I can describe the pain, the hurt, and the emotion that comes with it. When it first came, I never could tell. It came so slowly, and the first time I lay paralyzed on my bed was a surprise to me. Least could I expect that I would ever experience this. Emotions that overcame me were all feelings of helplessness. I never felt more helpless in my life. Being forced to be taken care of is already bad enough. I loved the idea of being able to be independent, suddenly realizing how much I am going to be dependent on people around me felt like a heavy slap. This time, the second relapse happened. It feels worse and couldn't have picked a better timing. It feels like it's pre-planned with malice-a-fore thought. I cannot image those moments in bed where I start to bounder about my life. Not about purpose and all that suicidal rubbish that people always talk about. I started to wonder what life will be like if I'm endlessly taken care of. I literally don't have a spine to lean on. I start to wonder about how will my life be, always wheel chaired, always carried. I'm already nearly at that situation at this age of 22, I don't dare imagine what will happen at the age of 40.

This is the physical slip disc. What do you think the spiritual slip disc feels like? Remember the day Jesus was at the garden of Gethsemane. You probably don't understand how he felt, and you never will because the weight that went on his shoulders was tremendous. Being the one who relieves others of their stress, problems, sickness, and now sins, a lot is placed on his shoulders. Burdens if I'm to choose the right word. When people place their burdens on someone else, their shoulders gets heavier. At the first, like a slip disc, the weight felt on the back cannot be felt. It's too insignificant. But as more burdens gets placed on, the person breaks down and falls apart. The thing about falling apart like that is he not only drops all the burdens he used to carry for others, but he also drops all of his fruits to the floor, and it's not a pretty sight.

People like to place their burdens on others, especially on those who are ever willing to carry the burdens of others and walk extra miles. But few are willing to carry the burden of others and walk extra miles. The problem now is the equation. say 5 ppl have burdens and only 1 is willing to carry his friends burdens for extra miles. a normal circumstance as the world is, is all the 4 friends will put their burdens on the one poor fella, and walk away expecting results. Its interestingly stupid that they will come back to the friend expecting grand results, and mock him when the results he gives is not what they expect. Worse is the uncomfortable feeling that nearly everyone is like that. No religions excluded.

When someone falls and gets a spiritual slip disc from the situation, no doubt;if he gets back up, he gets stronger. It's hard to quantify what he experience when he falls down. The weight he suddenly feels, the pressure that comes out from his head. Impossible to comprehend if not in the situation. Why, even the person himself will forget how to comprehend the problem until it resurface. I would say that under such heavy spiritual pressure, the mental condition of a person can be so drastically beaten up that breathing becomes a problem. Physical health will tremendously decline. Humans are 2/3 spiritual being and 1/3 physical being anyway. For this many physical health conditions cannot be explained by human ways of speaking but by spiritual means. And many die because of attempts to explain it and treat it by human means, thus is why the bible specifically says anyone sick FIRST seek PRAYER and HEALING FROM THE CHURCH.

People have 1 great problem, never being able to treat spiritual sickness, but always wanting to treat it on their own. The only way to have spiritual healing is to lay and rest in the presence of God. It's probably natural for humans to explain anything, not because they have full knowledge of it, but generally because of pride. Right to the core of wanting to explain anything is the instinct that is created by pride that drives humans to not want to accept that they do not have full control of themselves. In fact, there is no situations or thing inclusive of God that humans like to be not in control. With this attitude, every human has prevented God from fully working in him and thus the lack of greater God-powered testimonies.

The world shall know you for your love

2011-04-07T21:46:00.002+08:00

If there is something about Christians that always amazed me, it's the bond of love and ties of affection that they have for each other. So beautiful. A Christian can have a weak bible knowledge, weak prayer life, weak quiet time, but the same capability would be that they know how to care for people who are also Christians. Somehow.

I am a funny person. I get injuries and sicknesses like none would ever get. Not because of anything but because I'm pretty inviting to them. Most of the time, my life is stained with terrible physical injuries. I think I broke all my fingers already. Most of them are not straight at all, all from playing basketball. Then ankles. I twisted them a lot because of wearing slippers to play basketball and sometimes badminton. Ah. another injury that I gotten pretty often. Toes. I hurt my toes a lot due to breaking and turning when playing basketball. My left leg toe is pretty deformed now. On to the other injuries. Neck... But never major. Usually stiff or else twisted. Most of the times from sleeping. Funny how only I gets it, and no one else. Finally. The latest trend of injuries. Back injuries. I wonder how it started too. Seems like everything started from basketball. @@

Because the injury is one of wear and tear result, I think I can assume that it's a cumulated damage. The cumulation must have been very long and bad on my hamstrings. Most of my friends, especially 1 particular fella, refers to the issue of bad warm up. This one truly shows that basketball is not a cheap game. The game actually destroys muscles gradually (though it also builds them up) and without proper meals and side body building, the game can actually destroy a human body. Oh well enough of ranting about the injuries. That was done during the previous post. This post is why I thank God for the injuries.

After getting all the injuries, I thank God for it. Especially this times rounds serious one. I consider this injury one that paralyzes me. It robs one of walking though it does nothing to the legs. Special thanks to King, Kelvian, Justin, Samuel, Alvin, for taking care of me. Buying food, transporting me here and there. Oo. My crazy classmates visited me in my room too. The only ones who probably do that will be them. @@

It's not like they are great bible bashing monsters who day and night prays their heads out. Some of them are also people whom I look down on wondering when will they start reading it regularly. But if there is something different, it's definitely the love God put in them. and it's so visible that everyone outside cf can also see it. I even hear of many clubs saying that cf people are too bonded together that it's like a family, though they use words like hard to get them to come out of ther "comfort zone". haha. What's your problem actually? Jealous of the "love" we have for each other?

After all these experience, I can definitely say, I want do my part and contribute more when I'm healthy again.

I have slip disk

2011-04-06T23:30:00.002+08:00

Today as I was jumping during praise and worship, apparently my back has not healed. And unknowingly it has gotten worse. Yup. To law students, here is a hospital case whereby you can help me sue.

What happened in the pass. The doctors in the hospital told me there was nothing wrong with my back. But because of the pain, I sort a Chinese medicine doctor. She said my muscle was madly damaged, and she showed proof of it to me. I accepted it that way and when my back was healed, I went on with sports not knowing what was waiting for me.

Today, Wednesday (funny that it be the same day) I got the same pain, could barely get up, back was horribly in pain, but my legs and all were fine. The president of Cf who is also a student in physiotherapy took charge of the situation and called his lecturer. Cut the whole story short, what happened to me is my hamstring muscle is very badly worn out. This made my back muscle got the infection, and tore hard on it. (first symptoms) Now that my back is in bad shape, I stand between the line of slip disk and permanently paralyzed.

I can't believe I once again stand at the line of not being able to walk permanently again. I can't imagine life with my 2 legs energetic but my hamstring dead. I can't imagine all the worries coming my way, from not being able to play basketball for life, to not being able to do a simple act of jumping. And one girl once told me, guys who cannot drive stand a chance to never get a gf. O great, now I possibly can never walk. Great life.

But nevertheless I thank God for it because if it stays for long till my exams also gets bared, then I actually have a new direction which I know, and am not heading to an area I know not. ^^ At least I have the most excuse to stay book worm then ever.^^

Moving by faith.

2011-04-01T02:24:00.003+08:00

A crazy thing just happened among the committee, many would disagree to how it happens, but I assure all of you. Everyone of us came with the same faith that we had to have salvation to do this great act of faith.

The choosing of the committee. We have all prayed for the new committee countless times, discussed over it countless times, bring up names countless times. God still does not want to review to us anything yet. Including who is involved in the committee. Until today. We all gathered together and started praying for the future committee to be reviewed to everyone. So, as we were all seeking God, I felt the urge to go up to Justin and speak Gods words to him. So I went and spoke about faith to him. I told him about the centurion whom Jesus commented about having great faith, and I also told him about the crowd whom Jesus commented that he was amazed that they showed such lack of faith. I went on to emphasized on the areas of faith demonstrated in the bible. Abraham did not know where he was going, Peter stood and walk on waters with Jesus, Samuel never knew who he was about to choose as king, Elisha on account of Elijah telling him that if he can see him taken up, then he will inherit the double portion of Elijah's anointing. And definitely, by faith he believed he could.

Justin laughed and told me, he know not what to do.

When we gather at the table, Justin shared that as a child, he learned how the Israelites priest ask for directions. They took 2 tablets and threw it. That 2 tablets will represent Gods will. If the tablets shows what direction, the people will follow. I didn't manage to find it in the bible, but it was a great step of faith that went against all logical thinking of every committee present. All of us did not argue, but our reaction was plainly @@.

Behold. Our 2 tablets.

Madness????? This is not Sparta.><

It was amazing seeing how everyone took such big steps of faith and trusted God in the weirdest of the weirded ways he work. And amazing how the striking out and adding in of members into Gods work force took place.

God worked all in all. And I think I can assure that God thought all of us faith in him and to lean not on our own understanding.

Wonderful high praise moments.

2011-03-31T00:36:00.002+08:00

The high praise that took place yesterday. What can I say. Fantastic? It's so hard to describe what actually happened. The best description will be when the Israelites started to turn back to God, cleanse their temples, and all that. It's wonderful.

God reign. I have not much to say. ^^

I did deliverance to someone (with the help of friends)

2011-03-30T01:04:00.002+08:00

I know it is quite the sadist of me to be excited over this. Its very strange that I'm happy that it happened so I can learn to exercise Gods power. But I also feel happy for the sister, that after so long she is delivered from the evil spirits. Now my prayer for her is that she cleanse her room and make it a temple for God, so no evil spirits can find entry points to her life.

It started with me wanting to cleanse my room clean. Not clean my room physically, but give it a spiritual cleaning. So, I deleted a lot of programs (mainly games) from my computer upon knowing what they actually represent. And all other areas of dirt in my room. So, I gotten rid of them all, and used the new "anointing oil" I bought to start cleansing my room in the spiritual realm. Praying and waring in the spirit, I felt more recharged than ever when I slept that night.

I thought to myself the next day, It be wonderful if I get to use this oil again today. that night, a sister came and shared to me through msn that she has been spiritually oppressed to the point that she cannot declare Gods name. Something will be shutting her mouth as she tries to declare Gods name.

I called Daniel and Ming Jeff to quickly come and aid me to help deliver the sister. They came with Daniels sister, and aid me with the deliverance. Daniel took my anointing oil and led the praying for her. Since the place was the college, so the deliverance took place in the car. We started praying and casting out demons in the car. As we were doing that, I smelled a foul smell coming from no where, and the girl was crying. After praying a while, we sense the presence of God filled the whole car. The atmosphere was so peaceful. It was so awesome. I never exercise such power before.

To all Christians. The same power has been given to you. Please learn to tap into it as you are approaching end age.

A call to wake up (A rant)

2011-03-28T23:39:00.005+08:00

With all that has been happening lately, its high time Christians start to reclaim what has been rightfully theirs. Stop playing around with our salvation, and start getting real with reality.

The reality is that for most of us, if Christ is to come back tomorrow, we are all not prepared. On the other hand, we might be wishing that he does not come back tomorrow because we don't know how to answer his questions.

World is probably nearly coming to an end, and it should be high time that we start praying. The bible says that Jesus specifically ask that we pray there be more harvesters on the field because the harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few.

Prayer and reading the bible is the only way you can survive in this end time situation. Why, because you might be thinking now, whether there is a difference between right and wrong. I tell you the truth, the bible spoke against every form of no black and white theories, but even among us, people regarded as strong Christians are having trouble differentiating right from wrong. Some spend lots of time debating issues without sorting God, many others tries to form own conclusion about what is right and wrong and ridicule the ones who proclaims the truth calling them narrow minded.

The Christian power has been greatly weaken because few are now found in the house of prayer. The other day, a call was extended to Christians in my local area for a prayer for the college, even among the cf committee, some turned down the prayer meetings claiming to be busy, only to be found facebooking the moment later. What utter redundancy and retardedness for Christians. If Christians don't pray for the world, who will?

A few years ago, The Christians were mocked by the Muslims across the world. Osama bin Ladin told the world in a speech. Christians are cowards, none dare to live for their faith. All do not dare proclaim their faith, some even live worse lives then ever in front of their brethren and go unpunished. Muslims on the other hand are not afraid to die for their faith. The Christian world responded by declaring war. Now look at us. Who has been the better man. Looks like Christians are bunch of losers?

We are declared winners leading lives of losers. So much for going to church preaching we are winners in Christ when the moment we exit the building, we tell the world that we are nothing other than losers because we are scared to die for our faith, scared to quit our job because of self-security, scared to read the bible and pray because of what others will think when they see us, scared to proclaim the gospel be it life style or by mouth because we don't want to be known as goody 2 shoes, and the best excuse we come out with is we don't want to do this so we won't be hypocrites. We didn't just lose the art of how to wait upon the lord, we lost the art of reading the bibles word and now come out with so many off-line interpretations. We lost the art of feeling his presence and replaced it with emotional musical hypes or lows. We do not believe in miracles anymore, and many have lost the intimacy with Christ.

Once upon a time, people look to Christians to see Christ and know what is the true way of life. Now, Christians look at the world, to see lives meaning. We perverse our gospel to suit society and thus came out with abominations like prosperity gospel and social gospel, and by preaching it gain many as anyone would love to listen to what they love to hear. We also justify this preaching by playing extremely well in bands, coming up with really good corporate ways of church serving and a so-called anointing that the pastor is a really good preacher( speaker/public speaker), and say the church is anointed because it attracts 10k people to listen to false doctrines. We entertain ideas that enlarging the kingdom of God is building a large church with more money the better thus making the church becomes like a social pool for rich and famous to come and have roadshows of giving money to the church in the name of pleasing God by donations. And we call this the lifestyle of the early churches in Acts. Some even go naming their churches Acts. What nonsensical misinterpretation of the scriptures. We abominate the calling of full time with theories of "tent making".

Today we are found happily running donations, praise and worship rally with music louder the better, political involvements, social working of reaching out, all claimed in the name of God, but when it comes to prayer, all found sleeping, none are found to read the bible, but all want to interpret it, all want to acknowledge a prophet, but none want to listen, all want to speak, but none want to do.

God, what have we done? Please forgive us, your unfaithful servants.

Christians, Christ is coming back soon. What you want your acknowledgement to be?

The Grace of God

2011-03-25T00:52:00.004+08:00

the huge amount of wishes that appears on facebook was out of my expectations. But what still caught me on the spot though not off guard was the birthday party given by my cf friends. The dota sessions given by my classmates, and the moments they tried to make the me who is so hard to please happy.

most beautiful of them all

pictures of Gods grace in my life. and the few latest editions of gifts from other people all round inti. You know who you are. ^^

But the best gift I recieved from God through human was this.

hand drawn by the dearest brother I have on earth. It's the gift that pleases me most this year. Tq^^

A Miracle.

2011-03-19T18:27:00.002+08:00

I washed my clothes today not because it didn't look like it was going to rain, but because I cannot wait any longer and my laundry pile is pilling up. After washing, the sky looks really bad. All gloomy and dense with water. Not the kinda weather a person washing clothes would like.

After I hanged my clothes, It was drizzling, though none touched the clothes, I was worried, So I got out of my room, walked over to my clothes and said a prayer

" Father in heaven, please protect my clothes, Keep them dry from the rain, keep them clean. I have faith that you will have them all dry when I need to collect them tonight. Regardless of how heavy the rain will be or how light the rain will be, I want to believe that you will work a miracle and keep my clothes unharmed. Amen."

The rain got heavier, and heavier. But When I go out and look, my clothes are dry. I put my hand over, it's dry. But the rains really heavy. So I started to let curiosity take over and observe the rain. Turns out, God has send a wind to control the rain and saved my clothes from every single drop of water. If it ends there, no. The roof was leaking. the zink are full of holes, so, the drainage on the roof would have lots of water dripping down from it. But the wind God send, was strong enough to deviate the waters from my clothes, and yet gentle enough to not blow my clothes away. How amazing??????

Praise GOD!!

Something scary

2011-03-17T01:49:00.002+08:00

Today, when I went out at 1 am to go and buy some water to drink, someone random passing by me, just suddenly pointed at me and shouted out loud, CF!!! I was taken a back that I don't know what to say.

Such huge responsibility placed on me. I wonder what went through her mind. I hope it's nothing but something that could have brought glory to God. I don't want her to be thinking of things like how talented I am, how cool I am. Such me focus thoughts should not be reflected on me. I want it to be that when she look at me, she sees the difference between both of us. That is I have Jesus.

After that moment of shock, a lot of things started bombarding my mind.

1.) Who's name was glorified when she said that?

2.) Who else noticed that I was from cf since that person is too random and someone I totally never seen.

3.) I don't want to be talented anymore. I don't want to be wise anymore. Being all these can barely reflect God's glory. I want to be known as a normal natural person, but people can see God's glory in me. How much better if it would have been that I am skilled-less, but people can see God's glory, rather than I'm so talented but everyone cannot see God in me.

4.) Have I lived like how a Christian should have?

5.) Have I talked like a Christian should have?

Its so scary because now knowing that we are being watched, but not knowing when. Every time? I wonder where else have I been recognised as a follower of God?
Once upon a time, when I knew not God, I go around hoping to make myself popular. Now that I know God, suddenly, being popular is a bad thing. I don't even know how much of a shining God have I done. But I do know so many people are watching me. I hope I have not failed God.

Repentance

2011-03-15T01:07:00.002+08:00

Everybody wants to shout for joy for God. Everyone wants to say how great God is. Everyone wants to share God's joy. But no one wants to share his sorrow. The word of God describes the people who truly loves him as really outcast people. How I long to depart from that reality. I really want popularity. I really want friends to acknowledge me. At the very least, the Christian brethren of mine. I would love to get their recognition too.

You know what truly saddens me this days? Especially with end times this near. Almost the entire world of Christians are all asleep. The bible speaks of many of this kind of Christians. You know how? Jesus used his own disciples to show that weakness. What happened to the churches now. How is that we got so caught up in prosperity gospel, in community service, in works, in living a good life, when the calling is none of these. The bible talks about salvation for a relationship. Do you know God? Does God know you.

When Simon Peter was fishing at the lake for fish. He can his entire crew caught nothing. But when God came, he followed God in obedience, and God pointed out a way, and he caught overly in abundantly. What was true salvation was the reaction of Simon Peter. It was not the usual CHC, or ACTS way of doing things. Not the God!!! You have blessed me so much! You are so great! Now I come and join you for more! Simon Peters response (in my personal words) :" Go away from me God, I'm so sinful."

he noticed the distance of level. God is well, God. Simon Peter is mr sinful downgrade. Which we all really are. But when he noticed God's acceptance. He didn't go rushing to the 'wealth' of Fish God had for him either. He went straight for his brother to tell the good news.

Christians. We have lost this urgency. We have lost our first love. Do you really love God? If you do, God says his sheep can understand him, and he recognizes his sheep. How can it be then that the majority of us now has the strange difficult area of "grey areas" lingering so bad in the church?

Repent. Then the much sort after revival will come.

Does seeing things through plastic makes you emo?

2011-03-13T20:28:00.003+08:00

"Most people are closer to becoming the person who God wants them to be." --> John C Maxwell

"I be happy if there are even 5% of the people who attends my crusades being saved." --> Billy Graham

Don't you feel like this 2 statements contradicts each other? The one that looks more like reality sometimes is also the 2nd statement. But on the other hand, the second statement is a very negative statement. Bearing in mind that people tend to easily put on the negative perception regarding almost everything as compared to being positive. Many might even already be telling themselves that they have to take a positive approach to how life is really like, do not think too much, and the lot. But reality for them is that deep down in them negativism has been firmly rooted because it has been part of their life for a very long time.

I'm not saying that either statements are false or true. I will leave the judgment to you. Then you get to test yourself to see if when you look at the statement, you found any of it untrue, and whether you would agree with them. But I can tell you this. A person will see what he wants to see.

On to the reason for this post.

Why. Why is it that many people rather be stagnant instead of chasing after righteousness. On top of not wanting to go after righteousness, they argue that right doings is a very subjective issue. It depends on each and everyones perception. If a person thinks this is right, or that is wrong, than it is for him. I will argue that, if one day, someone comes up to you and exclaims with great arguments that murder is not wrong. Are you then going to say the same thing?

It starts with a little compromise here and there. First, thinking that being good is a lot too hard. So being a little stagnant should be ok. Everyones like that, and it's not too much, when the right time comes, then I can bounce back. But in reality, that right time never comes, and this becomes a habit. And thats when being able to differentiate right from wrong vanishes from the equation. It's super sad that though Christians are equipped with the holy spirit, serving a great God who is always victorious, is on the losing end of the rope all the time.

Look around you church goers. The people in your church. What do they look like? A bunch of compromisers? Or victorious Christians? People tell me I have been looking stressful everyday. Someone even told me I look thiner. I personally feel like telling that person. You are a Christian brother of mine. We go to the same church, serve the same God. How is it that every time I meet you, you have already found new ways compromise your beliefs and excuses to justify it? Worse is it happens everywhere. Someone said 10 % of church population are whole hearted Christians. Another 10% are furthest away from God. There is another 80% that is neither here nor there. But the bible says you cannot serve 2 masters. So, only 10% are Christians and the other 90% are not serving God?! It's no wonder that true Jesus loving churches looks like already extinct.

Both statements above are true. Why does the 2nd one seems more true? It is because most people though being so close to the "finishing line" does not one to cross it. Making it their decision, they unknowingly proclaims a so-far-yet-so-close curse on themselves.

Sacrifice

2011-03-10T00:18:00.004+08:00

In Chess, sacrifice is something done in order to obtain a better future. In Christianity. It's a symbol of love and requires no return

I personally have a lot too much to learn in this area.

Preaching is a dangerous thing. Not only do you get judge when you speak the wrong things, you get 'scolding' if you speak without love, and "reprimanded" if acted as a hypocrite, humbled as the word is received. To ask to be a speaker is a dangerous thing. To become a speaker on the other hand, is a privilege, and definitely an anointing. (God has to cleanse us and fill us with his word.)

Its not like I love being critical of people. On the other hand, if I have the choice of not telling something to hurt someone, I rather keep my mouth diplomatic to heal, rather than to tell of something that is not going to be in many ways kind.

An Issue that I'm always dealing with now.Telling people to repent, does not seem to have a diplomatic way. Either that, or I do not know how to be diplomatic yet. I feel scared when I confront the crowd. I feel scared of becoming the unpopular again. I have been unpopular once and I do not want to be like that again.

Probably the analogy of a preacher doing sacrificial work does not work well. So I give a better analogy. The will to be married.

When I say for the sake of God, I would love to be single. It does not mean that I want to be single all my life. I would love to marry, settle down with a lovely wife. But on the other hand, if God wants it that I do not have a wife, I am also happy that I do not have an excuse to lead a single life. Is that true? No, I feel sad that I would not be able to hug her to sleep, and do all the privilege of a married man. But I know it's a sacrifice that God would be please with because I can give it from the bottom of my heart. With the price it's paid, it's an offering that pleases God, and the worship that it produces carries great delight in it. Though it may be coming from a pretty sorrowful heart. Is God a sadist? No, definitely not. But God is please when his people proves to him that they are capable of putting him first ahead of everything.

A simple testimony of what I'm doing, I made a decision 1 and a half year ago that being playboy is enough and definitely not a pleasing thing to God. So I decided that in the next 5 years after that I will not get involved in a relationship. But at the same time, the next relationship I get involved would not be a bgr relationship. But instead of calling each other boy/ girl friend, I will use the word fiancée. To add to it is a personal theory that I will only go after a person whom I know for quite sometime around the period of 5 years.

Has it been an easy road? No. So many times was I tempted. So many times did I nearly compromised. So many pretty girls must appear. You might even wonder with me, that the moment I made this decision, INTI started having more and more supply of pretty girls. Why am I still doing this? I want to see how far this sacrifice can go.

Brother Yun the Heavenly man

2011-03-05T01:22:00.005+08:00

Describe this with something else other than awesomeness.

Oh, you definitely want a closer look at brother Yun do you? Sry, my phone's not fantastic, but this should do. His person live in INTI!!

To all those out there, this is Gods way of saying he is not done with INTI. Another or is it a lady? Is coming down to INTI to share about how Christianity has put her in prison and that has strengthened her faith and this time, instead of corroborating with a church to do it, we will be doing it on our own. God is with us!!

All these is thanks to Dr Lee, the man who made all these possible by helping us to collect contacts. Big thanks to the churches nearby, particularly the one pastored by the Korean pastor who gave greatly to help us with make this come through and ministered to the people of INTI. Though the numbers were not great, and most were outsiders, this exposure of God is great.

Reasons why I said no to arrange marriages

2011-03-04T00:06:00.002+08:00

Because I want to believe I have a choice, which I actually do. A choice between choosing marriage by having it arranged for me by God, or having to choose my own partner. Why do I not want to give such a choice? Because I think I know myself better.

How do I came to the conclusion I have this mindset? When God asked me if I will marry a particular girl whom I deemed as not beautiful, but he claims that if I'm married to her, I would live better than if I'm married to those whom I classify as "Precedents"

I do not wish to, I do not want to be married to someone I cannot be able to accept as the most pretty girl I will ever see. Very shallow, but I'm a guy. What do you expect? If I'm not looking out for a pretty girl, then girls can start being ugly already.

The issue therefore is not pretty or not pretty girl, but rather, the choice of marrying the "Chosen one" even if it does not fit the earthly standards set.

Sigh. I want a pretty wife in my own standards who also has Gods standards of a life style.

I Still cannot bring myself to say I will accept it if God brings me one who is in my eyes, not all that beautiful physically, or has extremely attractive physical features, but I want to be able to say it when the time really comes, just like when I was able to say I want to be able to stay committed to being single and loving it.

I feel ridiculous.

Some encouragement

2011-02-26T00:03:00.003+08:00

This happened a few days after I decided to aired a Paul Washer video in cg. Was definitely wondering how the others received it. Like Paul in the bible, I express happiness that God brought remorse, and repentance. God brought great turning back and I feel happy for those who turned back to him. It makes me feel more encourage to receive a gift right when I felt most discourage. I shall continue to listen to God and bring his words to my cg.

I am a nerd

2011-02-24T00:54:00.005+08:00

Let me show you 3 pictures of what I do in my spare time, and what I do not during my spare time. They are actually the same thing. Though wishing not to sometimes, and yet sometimes finding true love in doing it. I think this is what you can expect of me for the years to come.

Oh, I remember seeing this somewhere else, Hogwards, only difference, there, it's a fantasy, here it's not.

Honestly, the books are actually intimidating though I have seen them for so long. You know why???

the books are as big as my hand........ T.T

Oh well, not that I'm not happy with what I'm studying, I love what I'm studying. But would you look at those books. @@ I dun wanna be nerd. Nerd cannot attact gf. T.T

Excitement

2011-02-21T14:01:00.002+08:00

Its intensity is so extreme that sometimes it makes the head spin, the legs shake, and the hands nervous.

My mind becomes so flustered that I don't find myself being able to do anything else but wait. My mind and body is tired, I want to sleep, but as I lay down on the bed, my mind gets more restless, and I find lying down on the bed making me more tired. I look at my computer to compose something, but the tired mind just makes me feel more negative though I'm internally so positive about what's going to happen.

Is excitement then good or bad? I think I prefer the trade of being able to stay calm and collected instead of passionate. Easier to go about working on something especially during deadlines.

I need to pray more.

burned out

2011-02-16T23:15:00.002+08:00

Darn. This feeling again. Like as if I'm a lone ranger. What is it that I didn't do again. I feel trap. Strangely trapped in such a way like I brought this on myself but yet I cannot figure out a way to avoid it. It definitely has something to do with the people around me.

I don't know what to do. I feel like Elijah, but instead of being him, i feel like a helpless fanatic. The talk that I talk I never walked. I look at my believe system, I look at what I strive for, more like being unable to accomplish it is what really happens. I have never managed to fulfill I truly believe in.

Today comes the point where I hope to cut it off for good. I wanna know what is making me so miserable. I want to know what is the culprit to all this. I look back every time hopping to either see a person different and corrected from who he was, only to see the same "face" looking back at me, and no matter how hard I try to change it, it's still it. Is that me? Is that really me? Is it fixed? Is it permanent? Why? Why can't I change it? I have Jesus! I have God on my side! Why does it still seems the same after all these years? I thought I'm empowered? I thought I'm supposed to be victorious? How else wretched can I get?

I kinda strange. Am I the only one wanting all these? What if I'm a fanatic? What if striving to be Gods standards with no, totally no dilutions from any other source is impossible and should not be attempted? I wished I'm confused but I really am not. Probably I am just wishing to go home where I'm considered the one who really is slacking instead.

annoyingly frustrated

2011-02-09T22:57:00.002+08:00

You know what is most frustrating? compromising with your conscience. You can't be happy with it especially when forced to. And today came one of those situations again.

The general consensus is one thing, but I wonder what would have happen if I had chosen the other alternative. Honestly, till now I cannot identify what actually is the other alternative though I know deep down that there is a better alternative. There can never be a reasoning that the best alternative is always the compromising one anyway, where is discipline then?

I feel so clogged up in my head that I compromised, I feel busted that I could not come out with a good alternative, I feel ridiculous that I cannot identify the better alternative. I feel horrible that I did not depend on the bible but what my supposed to be good reasoning is. Perhaps the most difficult part of being a Christian lawyer is learning when to reject what you actually learn because the ways of reasoning and forming of an opinion the lawyer way sometimes can be too harsh for the general public because of the lack of compromising and the detailedness that most cannot accept it.

I'm not a perfectionist, don't want to be one either. I'm not a God, cannot be one either, but I don't want to do wrong. I don't want to be seen compromising not because I don't want to give others the impression that I do compromise, but I hate the idea that I'm doing something that I'm empowered to overcome. Is being good the works only a perfectionist can do? I believe not.

I feel lonely not because I have no friends and I cannot understand their topic, but the lifestyle we are called to lead permits me not to speak such topics. You say I don't understand the crowd. I say you don't understand God.

2011-02-05T01:06:00.003+08:00

I wonder if there is any use in hoping for change. The idea is that when you bring about change, the next generation would then break down that change, and revert back to their old ways. Visions are lost, mistakes repeated, you can say everything went back to square 1, no progress made.

Humans are destine to make mistakes after mistakes? Is this even possible that the same humans who tries to strive to be Godlike, claims their Godlike whether directly or indirectly are the ones who are failing the worse. Like change will ever happen? We are as barbaric as ever, we still think in the fashion of the old, applying methods and ways history said is futile, what would probably be worse is that in our disgust to see history and our own mistakes, arts and insights becomes unlearned and soon becomes lost art.

I'm not here talking just about Christianity and religion, believe system and the load, I'm talking about humanity in general. I'm talking about this living that you are probably going through. Great leaders says be optimistic in everything you do, but at the same time, the same leader says that there has to be a reason for the thing you do. deep down, what is the core of the core of the reason why you perform your rituals of living in this world.

Like the book of Ecclesiastes says, all is meaningless. Why do you look for pleasures, why do you work and toil in suffering, waiting in the work place, study place, eating place for some back stabbing. Working with humans are always tempting this to happen, strange that people still find it unexpected like expecting humanity to turn saint. Even the act of seeking wisdom can be meaningless. Though you might want to correct me, if you even know what I'm talking about, then you might best reconsider at the first.

Am I emoing? No, I'm stating reality without MY God in particular.

When dad saw me playing basketball

2011-01-29T00:03:00.002+08:00

The first few times, was pretty normal. I expected nothing other than he has come to pick me up so I can go home and eat dinner, so naturally, I would try to pull of something to finish the match... oops. I am talking like I am as good as now. Last time, I would stand in 1 conner and hope the pros on my team finish the match up. If there are no pros in my team, then I pray the pros on the other team finish me up fast.

I will be honest. I started out basketball not because I liked it. I used not to like it because I hated primary school. i don't like the teachers I know when I was in primary school. They used to make fun of my Mandarin and the fact that my English is so much better then theirs, so anything they asked me to do, I would not do, on the other hand, I used to do the opposite.

So I go on hating basketball, hate, hate, hate, till I saw this beautiful girl playing basketball... So much like a guy. Take up basketball to get closer to the girl. And the fantastic part was I did get closer to the girl. The silly part was I fell in love with the basketball, and not the girl. And so started the days in secondary school where i would walk to the basketball court every weekend to get trounce, or trounce others, and dad would come around 6.45 to pick me up but wait around, probably jog, or talk to the other adults there while waiting for me to complete my final game. ( I'm a pretty smart fella, I used the excuse that I'm too tired after the game to walk back, and I do look tired cos every night after that I sleep around 9 pm!)
I used to be very attention seeking. I definitely love it when someone finally recognizes that I play well because I want to believe that I am improving. Of course, any girl who wants to be a fan is more than invited. Dad was not, and never is a basketball player. Not much of a sports men is he either, but he kinda knows and observes the way I play often though he never comments on them. Mom would usually be the one commenting claiming that I get injured too often, claiming I'm not agile enough and with all the complains about my skills. i didn't like the comments, but I do know I have a lot of areas to improve.
When playing a sport, there are always days where you will play exceptionally well, and other days you play exceptionally bad. This particular day, I was playing exceptionally well, but receiving no praise. Until my dad appears. I made a normal jump shot, but to my dad, he was impressed and he commented aloud saying that I play well. I was very happy and ever since then, I always waited for his next praise, which haven't came because he don't have the time to see me play.
It felt more valuable than even if 100 girls were to form a fan club for my basketball skills, not saying that it won't go appreciated, but here is 1 person who's discipline is better than mine, who's teamwork among his team in workplace is better than mine, giving me praise for what is not due mine. He knows how much I have worked, how many hospital trips I have made and how many times I went to see the doctor because of my never ending injuries. His praise on that day is more valuable than having fans.
to dad. I have perfected the usage of Fade away, or nearly. I pray that before I decided to quit it on health purposes, you get to look at me use it so I can show you what I have got from you adding value to me.

Aru says the darnest things

2011-01-24T14:27:00.002+08:00

All are trademarked quotes. None to be referred to without adding Arumugam K.

-->"You want to be a man then you have to read, read, read. Only man read. Dummies who pretend to be man cannot read."

-->"If you want to take the man subject-law, you must read. If you find you have a problem reading, you must go see the doctor. If you find you cannot read longer than 30 minutes, you will sleep, you must see the doctor. Tell him, doctor, doctor I need a pill. Whenever I go to the library, I will sleep. So doctor ar, My lecturer Mr Aru tell me to come to you and get a pill."

-->"When you come to study law. You must argue. Everything is about argument. Argue, argue, argue. If you cannot argue, ah then good luck to you. (refer to 2nd quote.)

-->"Before every lesson, I will test teach my wife first. So everything I say now, has been said to my wife. Because if someone as stupid as her can understand, so can law students."

-->" Look at this case man, what the hell is going on. HOOooooooooooo..... You don't understand? ok, then good luck to you."

--> What happened in this case? Take down, (very dignified manner)Defendant, (long palse) (spells out) I W I L L R E A D M Y S E L F."

--> "I'm so ashamed of my Indian brethren, look at them dancing round the coconut tree. But when comes to law, all talking rubbish."

-->" Mr Law, tell me the case of R v Anderson.( interrogative voice) Cannot? Did you or did you not read my case? Do you know you have to read the case? Why didn't you read the case? You need to rise up to the level, now you are in a university. Inti has become a university. No longer a college university you know, now it's a university."

-->" What the hell man."

--> "Ok, that's a bit of politics for you."

--> " Neu Nai!"

--> " Chinese favorite words,Wa em chai, Wo bu Chi Dao."

And probably the darnest of them all,

-->"Please don't get so excited when I talk about sex ar."

To bad now he is gone. Retired. To Aru kia, Cheers, hope to see you again in the future.

Journal of the tired soldier

2011-01-23T04:08:00.002+08:00

"Jonathan, What then do you call revival?"

I was asked this right before a friend leaves me to return to his hometown. Revival. I long for it. I yearn for it, and I want, can't wait to see it happen. I want to believe that the efforts I have put in to push for it is not wasted either.

Lets be honest and state each's mine. 10 out of 70 knows their bible. probably less pray daily. Rally was a success? If in purpose, I would say yes. It achieved obtaining numbers, instilling awareness, delivering the proper message, only a bit to tone down. But it did not bring revival.

What is revival? A change of heart to an entire group of people. Literal renewal, turning back to God. Someone shared that he is worried that many now are very event dependent. Especially those from Mega Churches. When all the events, hype disappear, things starts to tone down a lot, so does the fire. I believe that too. I am worried too. That the generation will be lost in it's own flames. Everyone knows that a generation will die once the word vanishes. Why, because when the word vanishes, there is no more foundation to hold on to anymore.

I have been, and still am though am feeling more and more tired then ever. And time has ran short. I want to push for more deeper stuffs to be implemented. I go home, and I ask myself. "This people back home are younger,but more mature, busier but more committed, inexperienced, but trust worthy." What is it that has been done there that I have not done here?

I come back to inti, and spend endless nights looking at my computer emoing, wondering if I'm actually the only crew left on my boat. I really ask myself now. Am I the only one with this type of mindset of revival? Because everyone around me seems to couldn't careless about this type of revival.I feel like I was rebutted by my own team to believe that I'm now a fanatic.

What is it that YOU see, and I don't.

1 world 1 government.

2011-01-18T22:06:00.002+08:00

Is it reached? Indirectly and virtually, I say yes. Directly, I will still say no.

What is it actually? It's an old topic really. I believe everyone knows it, has discussed about it, and seen it's principles all over televisions. Even in cartoons. Only 1 ruling government over the entire world. All the nations united as one under 1 flag. Cartoons and most of the other TV shows however has showed a very one-sided view to it. That the only way it is attainable is war. Actually, there are many ways to have the 1 government 1 world thing come to pass. And mind you, this idea is not new. It started very very long ago. The bible talked about it. Goes to show how old it really is.

First of all, how many people deep down inside their hearts believe that racism can seize to exist. Method of eradication is free. The point is to make everyone learn to love each other unconditionally without not just color problem. I believe racism doesn't start from the color to begin with. It starts from the actions. Another group does practices that we are uncomfortable with. Like for me. I'm against someone saying that the existence of God is only for weak people who are actually spineless. I believe that a man who stop believing in God stop being a man and start being worse then animals since animals can recognize their creator. To anyone who now wants to rebut me. See what I mean? It's already hard to come to agreement, and this is just 1 believe from 1 person. But really. The issue is about 1 world 1 government.

I comment on the side of law first since I'm at least rounded there.

A country is only recognized to be one when it gains international recognition. To obtain international recognition, you must be part of some group. UN for example. There are though countries who are not in the group. But they dis-benefit from it a lot. No trade, no rights, when trouble comes, the country is alone. Look at Israel. There is no one protecting them. Because they are not part of the UN. Actually, they are the only country who is not an international personality. (TO CHRISTIANS: what did the bible say?) In the UN, there is another thing called the veto. 5 countries to be exact. This 5, are like the parliament. They say what, the rest follows. So indirectly, it's already a government. And it's very powerful. Whatever the 5 countries agree on, it does. Iraq for example. Sending help to Haiti for example. Sending troops to Somalia for example. All were the 5 countries decision announced by the US. So if you asked me, I say 1 government has already arrive.

What's the problem then? The problem is one that we cannot comprehend because we cannot feel it yet since we still have a scape goat in the form of Israel. The countries that are not part of an international organisation (Easy reference is UN, but there are more international organisations out there) are treated as terrorist. The only one around now is Israel. Exceptions of Iraq and Afghanistan who was international personals, they can't lose theirs through conquest. The thing here is, the new war is not guns and the lots, it's Democracy style. Trade embargoes, Incitations of riots filled with hate by media and at the same time re-portraying the good guy. It's common sense, who you think an american news will support, them or their enemies.

Next problem : End times. What did the bible say about 1 government?

Rat race

2011-01-15T14:33:00.002+08:00

Life feels like a rat race. Ok, Probably not as hopeless as one.

The hustle and tussle of balancing. Can you really deny that? You will be pretty happy actually when it denies you. I personally think it's already bad enough that so much of what should not be done, neither is beneficial has already become culture, so it for many becomes not just blur, but a why don't you do it also?

Then, you get the Hippocrates argument if you do not follow since up in the head, the desire to do it most probably is there.

But this is not the reason for calling life rat race is it?

Compared to reality, I personally wonder how many priorities would one desire to have? But in reality, though we are asked to only maintain a few, we still have to keep loads on our hands. Life is like balancing on a tread as you walk across a molten river. O, and with some boxes in your hands too.

I believe that as men progresses, science, culture, arts, industry, economy, you name it. More things starts piling. To a certain extend, probably the average man now has to act like an executive, and the executive, has to act like a god. I'm talking about things needed to balance here. And it doesn't help that people ARE hard to work with.

It's ideal. If I tell you that men only needs one priority but at the same time unrealistic. You might tell me, food? lodging? fun? future? and so on. So back to the point. A rat race.

If you are not happy with it, probably you can call it something else, like a rhino race?

From Sabah and back.

2011-01-09T00:40:00.005+08:00

For some of you readers. You would probably know that I did gone to Sabah and come back. Total of about 8 days staying there, and I dare to say that it's a really wonderful place compared to most places I have ever been. The people are so much more sociable compared to the ones here, the weather was nearly perfect, just being short of a bit of sunshine.

What did I do there? Most of whatever intentions was to get work done. Yea, committee retreat to Sabah to discuss what's the next cf direction. Corny way of giving an excuse to go to Sabah to enjoy the place. The food is generally almost the same as that which you can get over the other side. What's there to expect? Both sides are Malaysians anyway. However, there is still much to enjoy and learn about despite having not too many difference. For my personal level, I would say that political awareness is pretty low there too. People aren't too interested in politics but for a different reason that it is not that they are not bothered by the fact that politics influences them, in fact, they do know that, but they chose to rather remain ignorant so that peace stays, Rather not be a fighting lot. Quite the opposite of this side who screams on first sight of injustice.

Back to the trip, I must admit it is quite fail of me to forget to bring my phone at a fair amount of important instances, and another fair bit where my phone's cam is not good enough to catch anything.

New year celebration was somewhat the same almost everywhere. Well, the usual scream and wave celebration of going round streets. Nothing too new. What's new is going up Mount K, and going to the islands.

Almost everyday was raining so climbing the Mountains was not at all possible. The guides said that even on a normal day, by 2 the clouds sets in so no one is allowed to go up to the peak of the mountain for fear of danger since there has been people who has died going up at that time. Problem then was the visibility. With the cold weather, and the mountains touching the clouds, the clouds cover was nastier than fog. A few photos of the mountain before 12.

this is near 12. As you can see, the clouds are coming up.

And the island trip. This was the instance I forgot to bring my phone. I did learn a bit on how to swim there, though it be crazy to learn swimming in the sea, especially when it's a bit ruff. Snorkeling is fun, and this is coming from someone who once couldn't even float. It's even more fun in Sabah where the fishes are so tame to even swim next to you, right underneath you. best part is they barely will run away. Will come and bite if you feed them. But their bites not painful, just annoying. species: better for you to explore yourself. My word for you, The place is beautiful beyond description.

Downfall of prosperity gospel

2011-01-02T14:59:00.002+08:00

The once upon a time fictional to many people of the Asian world, believed to only be in existence in the western world especially the US since it came from there, now is nearly hidden in the doctrinal foundation in so many churches of Malaysia. especially mega churches.

Its hard to notice whether the church is misleading by teaching this. They still call upon the name of Jesus, they still acknowledge him as the only God, they bring up strong scripture backings. They practice really vibrant style of teaching and some of them have been leading better lifestyles than most of those from the mainstream churches. Worse would be that now most of the main stream churches are also preaching prosperity gospel. Listen to the sermons carefully if you don't believe me.

You might then ask me, Jonathan, whats the problem? They declare almost the same thing as we do. They only add bits (lots of it) about God wanting to bless us, usually with materials. Saved to receive blessings? no, more like they are teaching do good works to receive blessings. One of the famous always quoted are the test God and see that he does not let down the flood gates of heaven to shower you with blessings, that is if you fill up his store house.

Now, I'm not saying that God does not wants to bless us, in fact, I might say that he does. The question is we are not in anyway wise or smart enough to know the many ways he will. For example, if a meteorite crashes on your house killing everyone in your family save you? Can you quantify that as a blessing? You failed exams? Quantify that as a blessing? Broke up with Boy friend, Quantify that as blessing? The problem is, in certain situation, God might quantify that as a blessing.

The problem is that we bluff ourselves a lot telling ourselves, or each other that God will bless you for giving, God will protect you from certain things as long as we have faith. What happens if he doesn't? Do you still then give him credit due to him as God, simply put, call him God?

Allow me to preach the gospel to you in a way a historian and a lawyer would. ( I am a Christian, I believe in Christ and profess he is the only God. I am trying though to use reality to contrast it with prosperity gospel)

Please, all, ALL men has fallen. We are doom to die. That's life for you. Purposeless, meaningless. Prepare to suicide tomorrow. But God is great. He has saved us. Though we are so wicked, he still loves us, wants us to worship him because we are created by him for that. So he gave up his son as a sacrifice to atone for our sins, that we may not die but live. Our life is more prosperous not because he is blessing us with gifts, becoming into his family, blah blah blah. It's because now we once again don't need to suicide, but has a purpose, and love from an almighty God.

Life for you and me as a Christian is not about receiving because we, this we, shares a very little value now. Put it this way, you cannot even save your own skin, but needed someone to do it. Do you dare to then demand things from him the way you do now?

Meanings

2010-12-25T12:15:00.002+08:00

First and foremost, Merry Christmas all!!!

Have you ever felt that certain things done in this world is meant to prescribe to a different meaning? Let me put it this way. The blogs, the games, the shows, songs, sometimes, even the way the government run things seems to have some form of sign that shows a being binded by in their actions. What I'm trying to put forth is, beneath every action however innocent it is, there seems to be some motives which can exhibit up to 20 levels of deeper meanings which requires deep level of knowledge and understandings to crack. Sounds cliché, but I'm not trying to bring out that kind of meaning so I will try to give a clear example.

For those who played the game assassin's creed. On the surface, it is just a simple game of assassin's trying to hunt down templars. Put it this way, it's easy to brush of what is presume to be fiction when the game says that napoleon, Roosevelt, Churchill, Alexander II and Alexander III are templars. In reality the templars as we know are just a group involved in the crusades and was disband when the crusades got sticky. Many countries ordered them to be executed for their corrupted practice, eg : satanism. How is people like Roosevelt, Churchill, even George Washington involved in this? The answer, the templars when being hunted, ran to Scotland, and form the Freemasons. Intriguing? Practices are almost the same, except that only the higher ups of this new group knows what is actually being practiced. What's more horrifying is, Almost all the higher ups are leaders of the world like Stalin, Hitler. Read up your history if you don't believe me, but I must comment that the game actually went to such extend for their back ground info. More intriguing it will be when I tell you, this is all only 2nd or 3rd level of informations about the game. the "rabbit hole" can go deeper.

Then again, things might not be so unexpectedly twisted like this. It can be more personal like the show Tron. On the surface....I won't spoil the story. but I will just put up some words and pray you go watch the show to understand what I am saying.

Perfect world: Can be depleted as the fantasy world we all have and want. It might be free of corruption, might be expecting a grand government, a better work place, can be anything. Even success of life. But what really is the perfect world then?

The disk: Knowledge? Life? Our mind? Why then is the creator so reluctant to share? But then again, what are we thought about regarding creators?

" Good news, Chaos.": Right I definitely heard this somewhere before.

IO's, Programs : who? you, or me?

Users: This gets complicated as it reflects nearly an entire belief system doesn't it?

It might be this complicated, then again, it might not be. It on the other hand can be something as simple as a pie.

And finally, you ask me. Why am I doing all this? My answer to you. For fun of course. Isn't life more interesting when you complicate it?

Dawn time

2010-12-22T14:39:00.002+08:00

Lets say, one day you wake up to find that all that you believed in, trust in, have faith in, and know perish. the only trace that such exist is you. Period. What will then happen to you?

The world is changing. Laws are changing drastically. Life styles have not been the same since mankind have found out that there is such a word called reformation. 1 day, when you wake up, to find that tech is not the in thing, but the new thing that everyone wants is magic. Once was a cult in everyone's eyes, suddenly became not just the pop culture but also the new believe system used by everyone.

I then question. What is life to you? Commonly known to everyone. Such a statement " there is nothing constant but changes." Since there is only a constant called change, what then is there to be done that is not futile?

simpler language for everyone, Today, you graduate, tomorrow you cleared an interview and got a job. A few years down the road a promotion came your way, and before you know it, you are CEO. Where then next? Ok, I admit, it's fun when there might be chaos, but what happens when all is smooth? what's after CEO? Riches man on earth? Then?

A better word was posted to me through a movie. Lets say the company that you are working for now, got sticky. The stuff it's producing is rendered obsolete. You are retrench. Life still goes on? Or does it stop?

productiveness

2010-12-14T00:51:00.002+08:00

Somehow I'm beginning to feel unproductive during this term of holidays. I wonder if it's whether I have problems resting and settling down. I find myself constantly trying to find something to do. More like stuffing my head with things to think about stressing myself out, then going into action to realize that half of what I thought about is all overreacting.

Last few rounds

2010-12-06T21:03:00.002+08:00

It suddenly dawn on me that the final few moments of being in the committee of ICF is not too far away. Not that I can understand those whom have ended their terms before me, or those who are going to end it the same time as I am. I can definitely say, I will miss doing this.

Preparing bible studies before cg starts, working along side the other committee coming out with ideas, or correcting them. It's been nearly a year doing and trying to train up people. I still am amazed by the potential of what people can show to have. Exactly how it sounds. Winning with people. best put by John. C. Maxwell.

My only question to myself is did I imparted what God wants me to impart and did I impart enough of it? I look round at my members. I really do wonder who is going to come up as the new cg leader. On top of that, I haven't chosen who to be my successor either. There are some promising bunch, a lot very promising, but I still have to learn. I still have to wait and pray. All of a sudden, I realized I don't know who to put up as candidate for the coming meeting.

Why on earth did I think then that I have trained anyone? The time frame was too short to do anything? More like I did not know what to do instead of the time factor. 4 more months. Now to find my miracle.

looking back

2010-12-05T19:28:00.002+08:00

I wonder what did I do. What did I achieve. Did I managed to live a life that is pleasing that I can safely say I'm prepared for anything. Am I prepared to die? I find myself stuck with the question on whether I have had a productive 21 years. The year is coming to an end.

Some people I know has died young. Could it be that they have been told that they are productive? i face a question that if I die, the possibility of being victorious might not be all that strong a fact.

What then is categorized as victorious? What must I then do to receive the fairytale ending?

Focus! You know the answer. the diversions are too many to be true. Yet the work should be one simple as drinking water.

Open-mindedness.

2010-11-29T22:27:00.002+08:00

I added a dash in between to indicate that I am trying to give rise to a new idea regarding this topic. How much of this word has been over used and yet misunderstood?

The first time I heard this word, it was by a friend who used to be in Sunway College who said one of the girls from Pussycat Dolls (lead singer, but I can't remember the name) was very open minded (sincerely without sarcasm) because she was dressed in the worse possible way.(half naked) Of course. I'm not trying to imply that everyone or even most people who uses this word is as off tangent as this particular friend. But I got the point across. What I intend to imply is the usage of the word.

A general meaning would be that someone has to easily accept opinions of others. I like to then challenge the validity of this word. I believe opinions are entitled to everyone, but to have someone accept opinions of others should then be done with great restrain. Only proper opinions which by reasonings can stand properly I believe should be accepted.

I was talking to someone back then in college. A security guard to be specific. The security guard gave me a worse possible advice. "You should loosen up a lot instead of being so rigid. Learn to sin a little. Be open minded to what I say. Everyone go gets a girl friend and get laid. If you don't you will look strange. Why keep such a rigid moral value when you are not god? Even God compromises a little. What's the use of life if you don't loosen up? You are not open minded enough."

I don't know about you readers, for me it seems like the word open-mindedness now seems to have some need for proper usage. The word in general bears a specific meaning to a very general circumstance. The word has a very interesting look to it bearing what seems to be our belief system. Most of the time it seems to be used very shallowly, very easily, to easily coming out of our mouths in fact.

And opinion makes up part of a belief system by bearing the seed in it, and thus i belief should be properly defended, not so easily given up on, and carefully thought over before giving. Even the belief system. Why do you belief it in the first place? Do you have sensible reasonings to go by what you say to begin with, this has been my motto.

Many misunderstood the word for being just accepting and accepting opinions of others blindly without questioning, or are we just to plain lazy to Analise the meanings then? Smokers, open minded? Simply by smoking doesn't make you an open minded person, and I also believe, accepting a smoker does not make you an open minded person either, might make you a "blind" one instead. I have this Malay girl course-mate. She is a Muslim, but contrary to the popular culture among them, she listens to anything with attentive ears, even questions me though its about Christianity! But she still holds true to her beliefs and does not converts. Is she not open-minded then? I think she is the most open minded person I have met!

Openness is the ability to just listen, not to be confused with accepting, and with the ability to be open to opinions, the next ability should not be far, the ability to discern.

What then can we choose?

2010-11-26T12:51:00.003+08:00

Quoted from the "Westminster Confession of Faith"

Man does not have a choice to the knowledge we choose, we do not have a choice to whether the knowledge of God is true or false. Simply put, we cannot choose whether we know God, we just simply know him. It is the purpose accompanying this knowledge that we are allowed to choose.

In fact, as the bible puts it. We are created in the image of God. (In my own words, His shadows.)

Man being then created in the image of God then goes beyond just simple know God, but now we go to knowing God. The part of knowing God now is unavoidable by men. We know God, we know what He wants, what He likes. Simply put. We can proclaim we know him. (That's if if we know the Son of course.)

I like it how the book "Dare to be different" by Stuart put it. Only pride gets in the way of the saved, and only pride gets in the way of the to be saved.

Sigh.. Pride. Again the same word. Does every sin whatsoever evolves around it? Is it impossible for men to be rid of pride? Oh this sinful body.

I know of a man. Very intelligent in worldly context. Very brilliant and achieved in the world. My mom had a talk with him. Suddenly he brought up the subject of questioning the validity of the bible. In a mythical story book, the bible was quoted and used. The problem was the quotation does not exist in the bible. The book all that was quoted in fact does not exist. This man. Bright enough to be able to play the stock market perfectly chooses to not acknowledge the brilliance of God.

Knowing of God's existence, his ways I believe is instilled in everyone. Whether we want to aline our life according to his purpose is a choice.

Darwin said at the end of his researching life. If one can come to the conclusion that God does not exist and we are a being not in need of him, everything of that man is futile.

=.=

2010-11-24T22:13:00.002+08:00

Daftness and stupidity blows its wind in my face. I never seen or heard someone utter something more insensible then today.

"She is not sick! She is only having psychological problems.."

Great. Great comments I guess. And no attempts is made for a check up. Not even guts to go for a check up. Why? Because of money. Like as if it's a lot. How can anyone then play with live to begin with? Someone might die here!

Pride. Its too big. It's too huge for normal person to convince either way.

Sometimes I ask. Whats so hard? I'm also a person of pride. I also know how to put down my pride. Opinions might be wrong here. And this opinion might very well be the death of someone. Please. i beg you. Before I attend the funeral of a second person this year, PUT down that pride of yours. Do you know the reason why you are lonely is because of your pride?

Before your pride comes down, I won't be able to see you in heaven either. T.T

How to expect nothing out of someone?

2010-11-20T21:17:00.002+08:00

With a more specific explanation, How to expect nothing out of a friendship? Especially when the friendship has been going on for a long time? How to not expect improvement from someone?

What is the roots to having expectations? Judging? Sounds really short sighted to stop the answer here, but I was also told not to think too much.

I remember the first time I became friends with someone. Anyone actually. Nothing is expected, and same goes from the other party. Of course a different aura can be felt if there are expectations in or from the friendship, but really. Will there ever be a moment when expectations do not be detrimental to the friendship? I seriously find it hard to believe that no one in the world's ego is low enough to be a good friend.

Period of grief

2010-11-14T21:09:00.002+08:00

To those who showed support to my family, I thank you. Sincerely.

What shall I say about my situation, I'm a secondary victim? I mean that the death of my uncle didn't affect me directly. I was not particularly shaken by his death. Probably because I was not all that close to him. But that it gravely affected my mom was one factor that greatly affected me.

Never had I ever seen my mom grief so badly before.

Makes me wonder whether I would be as badly affected or worse, which in my case I might be worse off being that I only have 1 brother. It felt very horrible seeing the way my mom grief but I don't know how to express my concern, let alone comfort her. (Asian problem? Nah, more like because I never really practiced such things when young.)

I often hear my mom praise her 2 older brothers, especially the eldest of their knowledge, their faith, everything. Even my dad often go to him to get certain advice, which I too thought of as something rare since it is usually people going to my dad for advice.

Do continue to pray for my family, especially my mom because she is badly hit by it. Once again, thank you for all your prayers.

The elements of courtship

2010-11-09T00:10:00.002+08:00

I admit, I'm very bad at this area. Not just that I compromise a lot, I don't know a lot about it also compared to other areas that I would also love and find out about.

To begin with, it is very hard for me to tell you whether to date or not to date. I believe my readers are mature enough to decide which, So might as well, I try my level best to help differentiate and provide a good account of what they are, and let you decide on your own.

If this scenario happens, how would you react?

-your parents dislike the girl you are going out with /or about to go out with

-your parents demands that you go out with a particular girl

-your spouse tells you off all a sudden, that they are not virgins.

None of this are scenarios that we would generally have liked. First 2 looks as if our freedom has been destroyed. Last 1 looks like a great betrayal of trust. Bible has definitely made references to all 3 situations and provided responses. Hard part is, there is no definite answer to how you should respond to them. Generally, the bible grants us the benefit of the choice. Like a game. Only, the problem now is there is a right answer that would be considered almost impossible to figure out even after the results. Talking about uncertainties.

back to the issue. If you hold on to the ideologies of dating , you will definitely not like or understand why the bible promotes courtship, or what happened between Joseph and Mary. What then is wrong with dating?

Dating

A trial and error process in finding the right partner.

Courtship

Generally, this is a very primitive way of finding a spouse. Initially, I dislike this way too. It involves getting the approval of both sides parents regarding the relationship. In the olden days, courtship looks like this. The son needs a wife. So the father and mother goes out to find a wife for the son. Courtship I believe starts not when the son sees the wife, but when the father, mother goes out to find one, and continues to when marriage starts.

Okay. Lets be honest. We won't like courtship. A lot of questions would pop up. How would my parents know which is better for me? What happens if the worse happens? What happens if the girl / guy my parents chose is not what I want? All this, I will attempt to answer in the comments section if ever asked. ><>

There is only 2 instance where we see the true essence of courtship displayed. With Joseph and Mary, and Isaac and Rebekah. What's the similarities? Selflessness. How can anyone in the current world agree to any of this? You marry in order that the other gain something? Most of the time, we get into a relationship to suppress loneliness. The bible did say that man should not be alone, and a partner will be provided. I'm not presenting an argument that in order to settle loneliness, you must get married or be in a relationship, you have to settle loneliness with God. But I'm trying to provoke you my readers. Why do you want to get married? What purpose serves in marriage? Ever wonder why you don't want to feel lonely? Why you cannot bare to be single and consider marriage a blessing and singleness a curse?

I'm trying my best not to cook up theories like hypocrites do. It's very easy to get there as all lawyers do. Sprout theories and misinterpretations of the law which confuses everyone who reads them. But like you. I love practicality more than profound theories and strangely derived "proclaimed knowledge"

Okay. Back again. I believe that in order to be ready for courtship, one must learn to love single hood. To love single hood is to learn to be unselfish. And when you learn unselfishness, then you learn to not expect anything out of your spouse. And the best part is, you learn the hard part of love. How to give. Many have hypocritically said love is about giving but failed to mention that it includes not expecting anything in return, for if you give because you expect something back, then that's not giving. That's exchanging. To find a wife or husband on our own is to look for what we want. Then we come out with list and what nots as to what we expect to see in our future spouse. Which is not wrong. But it does nothing in promoting the essence of courtship.

Today I challenge you. Write down what you can do for your spouse instead of the other way round.

BGR

2010-11-05T20:55:00.003+08:00

Disclaimer: Much of what is to be said might be/ will be regarded as belief systems that are "hard to swallow". They come from a "Strict" Christian who attempts to not compromise, nevertheless, I shall state what I belief in approach to relationships with opposite sex. --> gf/bf thingy

More to because it was the topic that was discussed on Wednesday, and many interesting questions were brought up.

Many people dislike single hood. I do realize I'm one of them. I have to question myself, why do I not like single hood. What's wrong with not having a girlfriend? What's wrong with not getting married? Why is it the "believed" better option compared to what "someone else" professed, that he hopes everyone can be like him, single all through his life. I used to think this "person" is both mad and ridiculous, until someone else proclaims the same. To his dad, he asked : "You won't mind right? If I remain single all my life?" Statement was obviously too much for his dad to swallow that his dad asked back: " are you gay?"

I have to push myself back and ask, what is my issue with my single-hood that I could agree with the "father"? I dig deep down. I know the father might be thinking in the area of passing down his inheritance. But I feel the area of love has to be questioned. In the idea of the current generation, no love = no gf / bf. I know what answer is expected, I did not address the issue of loneliness properly.

I used to wonder why unlike most people I know from home, why do I find it so hard to accept the principles of courtship though knowing it is the right path? Being that loneliness makes people rush things, and that it is also hard to commit something like that into the hands of God. In the first place, realistically ask yourself, though it is easy to outwardly tell that you won't mind it, and end it with the saying God wants it, there is always the other side that you want to choose your spouse on your own. Which is not wrong because God gave us freedom. But it shows uncontrolled pride.

Hard and difficult. "It's not an issue of minimum age, but of maturity." I like the way how Chun Chungs wife put it, but I don't like the idea it implies to me.

The issue of friendship

2010-11-02T18:19:00.002+08:00

To be or not to be a friend? To the below situations, Do you or do you not be a friend to them?

1.) People who you know within your own capacity that are most probably going to be the ones that will cause havoc in your life, and has already done so.

2.) Mockers and fools. The bible talked too much against people who promotes sining, and advices that we distance ourselves from them. Ironically, Jesus says the opposite.

Part of the bible talks a lot about being a friend and not friend hunting. On the other hand, another part talks strongly about choosing friends carefully.
I look at my life. Some told me they admire me for the different types of friends that I have. Most of which cannot accept the other. Almost as good as no one friend can see eye to eye with the other because of something they don't like in them. Why must being friends be so difficult? At the end of the day the one who wants his own way to be done will be the one who loses out.

教会充满男孩而很少男人( church is full of boys not and not men)

2010-10-28T10:57:00.009+08:00

This was what was said by so many girls to me when I asked them why they don't date a Christian guy.

Okay. I'm trying my best not to judge here, but I don't see why I should not comment about this issue from my side of perspective.

It is painful for me to accept that yes. This girls are too right. There are very few man in the church and instead, church is full of immature man. To be a bit judgmental. Guys in church cannot lead, guys in church are arrogant but they do not read the bible, they do wrong as often as they change clothes, a lot of petty arguments evolve around them too, they are bad at their serving capacity. And I'm among their ranks.

A few days ago. I was told by 1 who was serving in the church for a long time, "Everything is the duty of the pastor and the committee."

=.= was my response. I look at him and said, have you heard of servant-hood? He instantly replied No, with an ignorant laughter too. With the nerve to even come back at me saying that the bible never talked about servant-hood, he went on to complain to me why we never chose him as the committee and spiked at the presidents flaws. I didn't have the mood to continue listening to what he had to say. I was more concentrated about burying my head in my hands. This is a guy who is 5 years older than me, served in church longer than me, and yet talking like that. =.= I feel like crying.

recently I'm in a pursued of wisdom. Searching for more of it everywhere. I have never enjoyed reading the Book of Proverbs as much as I have now. 3 things caught my attention in the past 4 days of quiet time. 1- wisdom is looking for us instead of the other way round. 2- Arrogance and pride is the only reason why wisdom cannot find us. 3- we become to judgmental and that prevents wisdom.

I personally believe the only way to be more mature then now is only by gaining wisdom. Whose fault is it that there are few man but boys in church? Guys for not being more mature? Parents, friends for not teaching? Everyone for not searching for more mature guys? God? Ultimately if you can blame God somethings wrong with you, and if you can point finger at anyone else, it takes someone who has a log in his eyes to see someone having a splinter in his friends eyes. But coming back, I believe everyone has a part to play. Fault in judging, failing as a friend, tutor. Whatever. But its an issue we have to look into unless you wanna declare the golden age of Christianity long gone.

I swapped

2010-10-26T00:02:00.002+08:00

I did not find it fun. I did not find it entertaining. I contemplated long enough. And I realized I should have swapped long ago.

I think it is hard to be in a church whose teachings are seemingly more and more unsound. I honestly do miss my presbyterian home of every speaker coming to speak on the pulpit being checked and "scrutinized". I came from a presbyterian background, and I enjoy deep digging into the bible. I love it when people proclaim the bible as the word of God and follow it strictly as well as analysed it to such depth, and I only found it in the presbyterian church so far.

No intentions to compare really. I don't like church hopping either. I just can't be able to easily believe just anything that anyone said about the bible until I dig into it further. Of course there are exceptionable cases where the person is someone I personally know and recognized that is good and does extensive research on the bible. Don't get me wrong. I love fellowship and the fun of church, but when it comes to serious areas like bible, worship, etc, I want to see seriousness and discipline which I personally believe is not hard to display because I can do it too.

Once upon a time, I first came to inti. I post this because I know both sides reads this blog. And I want you too understand what I believe is the truth now that I am able to see things from a 3rd persons perspective as well as comment as someone who went through it. Once upon a time, I served as a worship coordinator. I grew up in the back ground where I believe leaders are placed above us by God and regardless whether the leader is good or bad, we must respect and follow them. There came 1 situation where the direction of the leader I followed was not all that correct, but yet not wrong either. The area was one that is just neutral. But now as I think of it, a better decision could have been made had we all been braver. But the problem came when one of us decided to be the brave one and pursue the more radical vision. The problem was the others were not ready and only the brave one ( who thinks he is ready) still wants to go on. And a political scene took place. Here is what I learned. To the leader. You are not right for being not bold enough to pursue the bigger and braver plan. But we do not blame you. You where new, and we understood. But don't make the same mistake, have a back bone of your own. Wisdom is shown when you learn to stand on your own feet. Don't be scared to make the mistakes you think you might make because... God is with you. To the other member. You saw the braver move, and you stuck to it. But you forgot love. You forgot your other members and the cf as a whole. You decided to run the race on your own and dumped everyone else who does not wants to follow you. And this I have against you that you did not make it up to the ones you truly wronged but continued to hurt them. I'm no longer on either side. I decided to wash my hands of this. To both of you. neither are right nor wrong. I have apologized in the past to both of you, but now it's your turn to apologize to each other.

I think I'm crazy to bring myself back to the language I used to hate the most. I guess I finally managed to forgive my primary school teachers. But learning Chinese again in this time might be worse. i can feel the pressure and tension already. But for the brothers and the sisters I love, I will master this language to be able to minister to you.

I remembered the video that I watched when I was young. "kolepoky" one of the native African word for white man with bad stomach. I think it fits me and the situation also fits me. If God willing, I would like to watch the video again. When a leader steps down, another must step up. I have stood up after 1 step down. I must train one to step up now before I can go down. But until then, I will not be in Baptist anymore.

losing with fear

2010-10-18T23:26:00.002+08:00

What have been part of my life was a full issue with fear and procrastination. Interesting, really. How fear can really eat into you. It starts with wondering if your views are too radical. Then believing it is too radical. And then compromising comes into place. Finally, before you know it, you have already blocked out that light that you used to shine with.

When I was young. I was given the words from the book of Jeremiah to boldly proclaim what I believed in that I think is correct. Reasonings will be then given to me. I like Moses, was full of fear. Best part was I was never really good at arguing. (different from now not liking arguing.) Secondary school. Though I was soon to be a part of the debate team, I still had so much of a fear issue to get over with. I barely was able to stand on stage. Fright and what nots was overwhelming. Am still surprised about how I won previous debates before. My stage fright problems was so bad because of fear that I would lose all energy in my legs. Becoming a law student was not helping much either. It pit me into more situations where I had to face my fears. But for my situation, I have faced it too many times with no result. notes, scrips, formats. None produce result. I could not follow them. Can barely read what anyone wrote when I'm on stage in the first place.

What change me. I honestly cannot explain it. Was it the determination or the faith or the effort or the endurance that came. All seems unlikely and impossible that it's the reason. But it was a very overnight thing that I suddenly find myself able to overcome my fears of being on stage. Was it because I accepted my failures? Was it because I decided to let God take charge? Was it because I had so many mooting trainings? Or all that acting trainings? Whatever it is. It came just overnight that I can comfortably speak in front of masses. When will this die down? I don't know. But now that it came, I'm happy and will try to use it as long as I can till I can say it is trained properly.

I need a dietitian friend to help me out

2010-10-18T03:53:00.003+08:00

For a while now, I have had my health on extreme decline. I need someone to teach me what to eat. Sounds really dependent of me.

I have a very high metabolism rate. I heal from injuries fast if I eat a lot, but at the same time, if I eat moderately, I will heal very slowly. I'm extremely skinny because... it's practically impossible for me to gain weight. I can gain 2 kg through out the week, only to lose them by playing 2 hours of basketball. Overall, I don't need to play basketball to lose weight anymore. my metabolism rate is already so high that I cut down playing basketball.

To my friends out there who know a thing or 2 about nutrition, what would one advice? I am capable of eating burger for supper to top up the load, but show no sign of putting on weight.

infection

2010-10-14T20:57:00.002+08:00

Woke up to realize how badly infected I am by

1.) boils all over my chest. It appears that there are too much toxic in me because of the hectic life style that was not matching with the meal type I eat and the rest to counter the stress. Apparently the difficulties in balancing Law, Cf, relationships took another toll. My health. I am struggling to recover now. Don't know how to recover from this new disease affecting me. I was advised. Sleep early and eat well. then it will take a month to recover. First problem. it takes a month. I only have a week. 2nd problem. Rest won't come. At least not so easily. 3rd problem. the so called good food are hard to come by. In all these college areas, they are plain rare. I have to really pray.

2.) Disease of the mouth. I'm beginning to start swearing. Want to blame the people who I mix with for games. Truth is I'm also too weak to succumb to such temptation. It must stop

3.) Disease of the mind. I'm very very stressed up. A lot to think about everyday. Dad's not getting any younger. predicting that Law degree might be too taxing on my parents after all. need for a scholarship. Brother was not doing all that well either. Hope he will finally do well now in PJ. Don't want to see another repeat. I don't think our family can support that. Dad's retiring soon. Mom is not working. Then there is cf. I fear to be a monster. Imposing my beliefs which are very radical and different. Very high standards too. Wonder if sometimes I'm too hard. But then also I want to see growth and change among the people in cf. I don't wanna see the committee the only ones doing things. Glad to see some stepped up. But still. A general growth is needed.

Sometimes I question. Why I'm here. I see so much and want to do a lot. But it feels rather helpless from my perspective. Wonder how will change come in to this cf. Before the college can be changed. The cf must also be changed. We have a long way to go.

one after another

2010-10-13T10:36:00.002+08:00

The most ridiculous thing happened today. This college, for the love of showing off that they are high tech, started putting card scanning machines everywhere in the college. But when the cards are spoiled, or old, it's not the college that will renew them. Its the student, what's more ridiculous is the student have to pay for the renewing. Resource fees are then for what. I suppose it's meant for feeding the extra hungry management who needs extra wives?
Here I am paying 800 a semester, and I can't have a quality card. have to still pay on my own when its old, or spoiled too. And interestingly, its the college that wants to show off and not me. Why I'm paying for this? The library is also very pathetic. Half of the cases and text books I want are not there. Or else not updated. I'm a law student and I have to read updated law. for engineering students, what you expect them to learn from old books? How to build Roman Colosseum? Then we have an Internet connection that cannot connect to Taiwanese servers, that is capable of DC "ing" when on blogspot, even capable of blocking blogspot. A half painted basketball court. slippery walking pavements. What did I pay for actually? Now I am trying to help this college find that answer.
It would have been more interesting. They wanted to be more negligent when I ask them, what am I going to do without an ID now? I can't enter hostel, I can't borrow libray books, I can't use college computer. Grand answer given. Sry, we cannot do anything. Please wait till friday. That's it, I'm going to Namewee them.

I went to police station

2010-10-12T14:10:00.002+08:00

To interview them. Haha. what were you thinking? Me arrested? No ISA found me yet.
In the name of the Law School from inti, we, 4 of us law students went to interview the police regarding ethics. I guess I have too much to say, too many opinions formed, and a lot of interesting opinions. Probably I'm thinking too much, but I guess with regard to the current situation we are all facing, you can say that it is only logical that I am thinking this way.
Upon reaching the police station, we had to get a visitors pass. The guard kindly at the first asked us why we are here. Upon telling them that we are here to interview them on areas of ethics, they start getting all defensive and agitated. Interesting notations. First thing first the guard remark was, "you datang sini buat hal ka, kenapa mau datang sini? Tak boleh pergi pejabat lain ke?" Hmmm, how much does this guy has to hide that he seems so hostilely scared of us? Did he extort my grandpa that he thinks I will kill him? Ridiculous fella. Anyway, we tried to be as diplomatic as we can. Police anyway. Don't want any unnecessary trouble though we know our law. This country has what law to begin with?
We did not have a formal setting because we do not have a formal presentation to begin with. So our interview was actually doable to anyone. First targets we had, the administration. Though they do not know how to answer our questions (they didn't even want to hear them to begin with) They started doing the job that they are best at. Refering us to other areas till we get confused. From one department to another, we go round hopping asking police after police whether they are willing to have a short 3 minutes interview with us about what they think of ethics. The best part? We finally get to see police scared of citizens. Police were pratically running away from us in their own office. Even the chief tried to run away by telling us it is 1, and he has some "rounds" to do in a taman. His duty calls. A quick run to the dinning hall he made. Duty to the stomach. Good luck. At the first it was nice watching every police being scared of us, like as if we are Lord Denning himself coming to bring judgment on them. It got fustrating when we realise we are not getting anywhere like this, times wasted. A more diplomatc businesslike, productive, entertainable, userfriendly,workable approach is needed.
Up to a sargent we went to. Finally. our " diplomatc businesslike, productive, entertainable, userfriendly,workable approach" worked. The interview goes!!
Interestingly. The police displayed huge amount of timidness for a sargent. His voice was pratically a mouse. It's impossible to hear what he says. let alone record it on phone. Are all police going to be so scared to talk about ethics? There is need for "arousing" here. Before he gets too intimidated by us, we quickly finish the questionare and decided that the general public might be less intimidated by us law students. No wonder they say people who study law is intimidating. Even police are scared of us. Our tone, everything was as "diplomatc businesslike, productive, entertainable, userfriendly" as possible.
God help Malaysia. Our police needs some training on how to approach a student interviewing them with more courage to speak to a phone recorder.

why my line is grey and not black

2010-10-11T02:20:00.002+08:00

I wonder if it should be a valid reason and I question whether there is a better solution out there to balance out the relationships between friends of different faith and my God.

A sooner or later position is definitely to be discovered that a stand has to be made regarding how much compromising and standing firm is to be done. Honestly, I am still fumbling over this and wondering where my lines should be. It is easy to identify the extremes, but to identify the difference between the mild has so far been purely works by conscience. Of course, I do question the proposition of even setting lines.

The question usually is not where you compromise, that is definitely too easy to answer. But the question usually is, Jesus was so sociable. Readily accepting anyone in society even to the extend of visitation to the persons house. Its easy to say. Be friends with this guy, be friends with that guy, but to the extend of dining in his house is a very different level. Its definitely easy to jump the gun and go straight to the argument, why should there be difficulties in going to other peoples house for meals and all these?

Many people will not understand the significance of eating in someone else house. The psychological effect that it would post to the owner of the house, especially the type of acceptance that is going to be received. Many including myself, mistake the acceptance of someone who visits my room or "stay over the night" as an unconditional acceptance of friendship. But most, especially in our Malaysian context only view it as equivalent to the handshake level. To enter someones house has 4 levels to my understanding. The entry level. very superficial. You come to probably collect a book you borrowed, then you are on your way back. Almost no difference from receiving the book outside of his house. as you can see. No intimacy.

2nd level. Entry for probably hours. A chat or sharing of ideas. Whatever. to watch a football game. There is some level of intimacy there, but at a very casual level. Like. But definitely a friend has to be, or there is no capacity to being able to do this. There is a fair amount of acceptance to view points. Both sides are positive as to their friendship, and expresses that they are willing to seek out more knowledge regarding each other, though it is at the "folded hands" level. As in, I listen to what you say, but might not accept your view point.

3rd the level Jesus uses. The meals level. You are willing to eat what he eats. A sign you would show. Your culture is my culture. I am your friend and brother. I will accept you for who you are. Upon Jesus eating at the homes of text collectors. This was what he expressed, especially noted in his approach to Zacchaeus. Particularly interesting was his remark. " I must eat at your house today."

We must first know the culture of the olden. Pride was given to wifes cookings. Such pride to a husband would only be amplified when one expresses willingness to eat at his house cos it means to test the wifes cookings. I who is born in a fairly traditional family, can dare say that regardless whether the wifes cookings is good, as long as willingness is expressed to eat at my house, I'm already happy. There is value added, and you don't add value to just anyone.

Usually on the dinner table is the discussion. Depending on who present and what is discussed, the guest are easily turned off here. You won't want to be talking to people you cannot understand or relate with. An invitation to smoke ? To drink? To even accept a collection of porn? I have turned these invitation down before, and a noticeable decline in mood can be noticed when my friends go about "indulging" while I watch. Dirty talk. We all know, the bible says so much against unwholesome talk. Who never heard the uncompromising statements in the bible before? I too firmly believe that there should be no compromising. But often we are caught in it. If not its talk in "bulk" out there, if avoiding such topics, an overly arrogant and fake holistic self tends to be portrayed. The question is more to diplomacy and approach to the refusal. I would definitely ask, and is still analising the bible, with regard that Jesus did not compromise, but neither was there a decline in his renown, and the contrary, he became more famous.

I believe the world out there desires change, but the change has definitely been definitely refused by the change makers. Us Christians. Sometimes, I personally prefer to change the word Christians to Cowards, though I'm also a Christian. I did realised that most Christians are waiting for someone to start something, then they rub of and follow the flow. "If there is no one doing it, then I won't do it either." But problem is chances are the something not done is the right thing to be done, and there is no compromising right and wrong. Oh well, judgmental that is. The dangling question

For in the bible said he could overcome all things, and the bible is complete, then the answer has to be in the bible. True, issues like world religion, Grey line compromising, backstabbing, lonely living was experienced back then too. The question. How was it tackled. The problem in fact never changed. What changed was humans. I can't look to holy, it makes me impractical, but I can't be practical cos it makes me unholy. Ridiculous living.

PTL

2010-10-06T23:21:00.002+08:00

Okay, I'm very happy now. Wondering if I can sleep in fact. Praise the Lord!! He is good!! He honor his words!! When we all come in 1 accord to seek him, he will be there!! I have personally been praying for some revival similar to this to come to cf. Oh well, it came, Not what I expected, but I'm happy. The pass few years, I have been praying for the seriousness of cf people towards their faith. That they will learn the meanings and all. Alas, the prayer is yet to be fully answered. But the fruits are starting to ripe!

I'm happy that the first step was worship. I finally get to see such seriousness in the cf people regarding worship. Have waited long and hard for this day. It finally came! I remember when I first became the worship coordinator. I wanted this to happen. But somehow, it never came. I cannot blame the cf people, have to admit, the committee had to have their hearts right too. Everyone was yet to be ready for it. God you are great. You didn't had to keep me in this committee. You could have let me rest, but you had bigger plans. Plans that prospered me. I feel great!! I may not witness what I want to see, but knowing it will come to pass is good enough for me.

I haven't seen all that i wanted, Have yet to see true bonding between the Chinese and English group, but it's also coming already. Praying for the day that we will not be differentiated like that. I did notice however that there is a group not used to this style of worship. So far, they have been the type that prefer solid word and all those study. Good. It is still a revival. Cf, God IS moving. You better be ready for what is next.

to not compromise like Daniel

2010-10-03T23:55:00.003+08:00

If as a story, this is by far the easiest book I have read so far. ( Minus the ending where it is full of visions and dreams.) The whole plot thing is full of exciting moments, unlike exodus, which really gives you the feeling of it is an "exodus of the horde" kinda thing where even the reader gets tired at looking at the Israelites sin ridiculously. But if the deeper meanings were to be asked, Daniel talks a lot about todays context, and how the youth should be living. If it is to be read in that manner, I would suggest get a teacher, a dictionary, and a concordance in handy. A critical mind is needed, some imagination, and a lot of analytical thinking. But it still makes the book fun to read.

A summary of what you should expect if you intend to read the book critically. It talks about seriousness in Christ. Living a holy living in a "hostile-to-Christian-principles" world. The story starts with the "Stars" young "Christians" exiled from home and send to another nation, being the cream in the nation and exposed to new cultural shocks, but yet the least compromising of the load.

The most challenging part of reading it is comparing it with our lives. Trust me on it. It is very applicable though it should be some 500 over bc dated passage. The pressures of mandatory death sentences is replaced by the more emotional disturbance that you might be regarded as unrealistically arrogantly attempting to ignore reality by putting a fake wall of believes many regard as old fashion and ridiculously harsh. Chances are now, the issues that used to be dealt with by the Kind with death sentences, are now dealt with by the society by regarding the believers as arrogant and proudly wanting their own way. I saw a leader in my time compromised to the extend I was also called proudly wanting my own way. Honestly, I regret compromising a lot while working with them, but then again, there were so many other factors and issues that made me blind to the consequence of compromising. Whatever it is, I pray that the next time, I will be strong enough to not compromise the 2nd round, but rather bring those regarding me as arrogant and proud to their senses.

The food issue Daniel dealt with is the best one for compromising with. It's subtle. I'm not saying that it is wrong to eat in your friends house if they are not Christians, but the tradition and religion then was to only eat "clean" food. Daniel could have easily followed the majority and eat what was the "best" food. But he chose the worse diet possible to counter. Not in arrogant attempt to show he love his God, but a bold attempt to show others that God is not to be compromised. Play of words here it looks like, but I'm not asking you to understand it either. If God wants you to understand, you will. Anyway, in our todays context. What would the compromise be? Same sex marriage? Nah, more like sex before marriage. Found out that the population of friends I know, more than 10 % are "illegitimate" of being "not" virgins based on "Christians" principles. For us Christians what is it? Yoke with unbelievers. I have seen so many wonderful girls "gone" literally. I have an aunt who renounce her faith because of this. Is it worth while? At the end of the day, when you are looking at her coffin, because her life might be shorter than yours ( though highly unlikely,) who will comfort you? But I do understand, Girl population is more than guys, And the Christian population of Guys is even more pathetic compared to Girls. At least a 6- 1 ratio of girls to guys. But still, do you? Think this is reason to compromise? This is the Law you are playing around with.

As a guy, its easy to swear. If not to swear, even a simple Walau A is a swear. Arguable? Well up to you. My point in this is, the words don't matter. God never looked at the words in the first place, but what differentiate a swear word from the normal is the context of how you use it. You readers out there should be able to differentiate better than I could about this intention. Even if you do not use the same word, if you substitute the Fuck word with another word, say.... Phone,

- Phone you. blah blah blah, back to the same square. The intention is the problem. But, at the end of the day, who is capable of doing it you ask me? And many get tired of trying to follow strictly to such regime. A friend told me when I was in A-lvls. Why are you still being a Christian? What you have to gain? You already got God's approval since you are saved.

Many would not go by this saying. To compromise = to not believe God, because you are compromising his salvation. His effort to save you. His effort to restore you.

To compromise or to not compromise. It's a hamlet cliché. ( You will only understand why I say this if you can think like I do.)

my life full of stress

2010-10-01T22:19:00.003+08:00

The art of balancing everything required is still barely attainable to me. Quite sad to say to myself, that I have been trying to be able to balance just 3 priorities -God (quiet time) Studies , Friends, and I still am failing by making the same mistakes. The good news is that the mistakes are becoming less and less major. The problem is, it is the same mistake.

Then balancing goes way deeper in each of the areas. As relating to God, it's hard to balance both Praying and reading the bible simultaneously. I was told that for every hour I pray, I should also read an hour of the bible. I can't find any "jurisdiction" or "precedent" from the bible to justify this stand, but it sounds very logical to me. Strange I must say however that in a relationship with God, balancing like that must take place while when we date, the balancing to how we handle the relationship should seem to come pretty naturally.

Then there is the issue when in studies. Indirectly, I have other "studies" in my priority list. Bible studies. "Christian studies". As much as serving and gaining knowledge in this area, much have to be moderate too or my studies will break down. 10 % of my time is very little, But usually, it is this bare minimum that i could barely make it to cover as well. But at the same time, I can't lax too much on my studies. Law is really hard, and this argument is based on not counting expectations from any directions inclusive of myself, parents, friends, etc. Quite a bit unrealistic. Like flying a plane with the idea that there is no wind, no vector trust, no air pockets, no obstacles.

Friends finally. Also another problem. As a Christian, one cannot help but divide his friends into 2 groups, despite trying not to be prejudice. ( Probably it's just me, I'm also very racist) To keep a balance of time between the 2 groups (A better substitute for group here might be cliques) is almost impossible if going according to their expectations. Both groups expects undivided attention. Both expects all their events to be attended. Both groups will sulk and pout childishly if refused. Not by doing the obvious, but by indirectly ensuring that I'm affected with methods of psychology. Great. So much for having friends. All these is counted in without the inclusion of parents, siblings, God himself, and time for gf (thank God I don't have one). More interestingly. Through out my years of BGR, the ones who are unforgiving if little time is devoted to them however are not the gf''s. They are the normal friends. (so called friends) Slander comes from them. Gossips comes from them. Everything. Like as if they intend the relationship to be broken. But in front of you they wish you well. Then upon breaking up. They send letters like, they knew we should not be together, been praying we break up, etc. etc. God save this bunch of people. Being so jealous as to the fact that less time is devoted to them results in joke like this happening. What next then? When we are working you go black mailing us to our bosses? Get a life!

What other issues? lets see. duties and responsibilities stress. The dilemma that comes when you are executing your duties. Like me as a cg leader. I have 2 groups of different extremes in my cg. 1 group badly wanting solid growth and bible studies, while the other wants pure fun and bonding. Friendship forging. Where do I head? I believe a balance is possible, and that is now also a problem.

Stress, stress, stress, stress. Who will help me?

A prayer

2010-09-29T22:54:00.004+08:00

Today was one heck of a day. In the ordinary sense, it felt like the whole day was messed up. When one look back at it. I cannot help but notice the holes that I failed. The mistakes I made. Like a change of circumstances to see how would I have reacted. I knew after the way I reacted that I could have done better. I knew the right answer right after I made the mistake. God... Help me . Give me courage to do the things that are right in your eyes made known to me.

That was the first problem. The 2nd. Today was plain predictable. Or so I thought. It turned out however, that it was totally the opposite as I look back. Nothing was predicted. Everything that spells opposite happened. I knew right after reflecting that I boarded my mind for nothing. i was worried for nothing. I was anxious for nothing. I was woken up for literally nothing. I need to learn to be calm. I need to learn to trust. I need to learn to delegate and not enslave. I'm thankful though for the bunch of people God put to help me that covered up my broken emotions so others don't notice. God.... Help me. Give me the Wisdom to know what I cannot control and the ability to surrender and trust you.

Other than that, I would have faired very well today. I think I managed to handle myself better than I did last round. God .... Help me. Give me the power to forgive myself.

I feel like as if I am expecting the unrealistic. The impossible. The fantasy. I believe everyone has one. Fantasy is fun. But when it becomes reality, it's life changing. Once upon a time, A-lvl was a fantasy. Once upon a time, worship leading was a fantasy. Once upon a time, Beautiful girls for Girl Friends was a fantasy, Once upon a time, praying fervently was a fantasy, Once upon a time reading the bible daily was a fantasy, Once upon a time, Doing law was a fantasy, Once upon a time, working with a group of Christians as a core group was a fantasy. Once upon a time finding true friends was a fantasy, Once upon a time, having a great relationship with my family was a fantasy. But before those dreams came true, The truth that sets me free came too true to be true to me. Fulfilling to the brim and over flowing. I can let go my final 2 dreams. Though they may not come to pass, I don't bother. I'm fulfilled already.

what are the last 2 dreams?

--> A great wife to start a family. ( I doubt I might have a family somehow, living short or long is no longer a desire. I don't mind which, but I predict that I be lucky if I can get to be 50 or 60. A love for clean politics don't come with long life, and definitely doesn't come with anything that a girl would usually want.)

--> I dream to be PM. Cos I won't like to see Malaysia be known as the land of justice. (I'm crazy. And you know it. )

God, you created a crack pot who has half his mind blown away because you answer dreams. But though you might not answer his last few, he has already pledge his loyalty to you. I'm not the best, but I want to do your will. U can use me. amen.

The difficulty of the benefit of the doubt

2010-09-26T22:31:00.006+08:00

I struggled for the past 5 months in making sure I attend a church that I had much problem with beginning with lack of discipline in almost all areas, especially when it comes to ensuring that the doctrine that is spoken is sound.
Worship practice was always late, Songs in worship practice was nearly always changed because the other members could not play. Either they didn't listen to the songs or they didn't practice, or they didn't even find the chords. Frustrating to see them week in week out depend on the hard working musicians for everything. Annoying to see that the ones in leadership for the church are the ones guilty of this.
Seriously. A little discipline won't hurt. I don't require concert level performance, in fact, I prefer that it be more "down to earth" than "star performance". Can concentrate better. I used to ask myself, is it too much to ask for people to play the right notes, at least listen to the songs and know your chords? Need not be all that skillful, it's your heart that really matters in worship anyway.
Next to this, the church seems more like a leo club than a gathering of believers. All day was fun, fun, fun. And best is they are under the name of a renown denomination. Seriously. Am I asking too much? I think God would ask the same of you also. You know what I'm talking about. And I'm not trying to be a I-am-better-than-thou person. I just wanna see you-church improve from where you are. You wanna be a church, you made a commitment the on the first week I arrived. That commitment was what attracted me. Not your singing, your fellowship. But I saw fire in that commitment. Fire for change, fire for a chance to make a difference. Fire just plainly for God. And looking at it was lovely. I wanted to be a part of it, thus I joined you in that commitment. Now, I look back. Was it all a show? Was the only serious person then the speaker himself? When he shared his vision it is definite that he was serious about it. Bible study sessions are full of errors when anyone other than Chris takes in. Worship looks more like a concert, only a failed one because the musicians cannot play well. Day after day, I come and see your fire going weaker and weaker.
Todays service felt different. Why? Because I see the lot of you deciding to renew your commitment on your own. It's pretty encouraging. But I hope, and pray that it is not just the mood that drives it. I have already been considering for more than a year if I should change to a different church. At least one though not as talented, but with commitment. I don't care even if they talk about things I don't know. I will learn their topic. I wanna see commitment!
This is the reason why I haven't left.
1.) The reasons for my disappointments are people.
2.) It's not God's timing yet. The reasonings for the leaving does not possess the right ratio decidendi.
3.) God's not done with you yet. (I hope on your part that it's true.)
4.) I do not see a difference in the result if I change church.
5.) What I want to achieve cannot be achieved even by going to Rick Warren's church.
6.) The bible says the purpose of the church is for fellowship. Worship and the word should be done on a personal lvl more then cooperate since your relationship is with God alone.
7.) I will not admit defeat to not being able to forgive on a daily basis.
8.) I have decided long ago, the benefit of the doubt given to me long ago brought about change to my life. That same benefit should be given to others. In this case, the benefit is only worth while and givable only when I attend that particular church.
9.) I wanna see what's the next level like.
10.) I am against church hopping. I know it's just a temptation that many fall to.

10 reasons. Exactly. The problem? All 10 are now very debatable. Especially when what it seems is "God's favor" stops when the church stops following. Revelations 2 is the word to you beloved church.

Sticky ending

2010-09-24T00:09:00.002+08:00

1.) Quite ridiculous somehow. When some people after tagging on to you for a long time expects you to reserve a part of your life specially for them. And when you are forced to other plans, they get unusually angry. I was trying to sell my year 1 books today. Upon not involving a friend because I just wanna get things done, now he is mad at me. Seriously, like as if me not involving you makes me think of you less as a friend. Ridiculously touchy. Nasty that it's not the first case. Please, as a friend, I beg of you to give me space. I am a person who puts value to time of quietness alone.

2.) stereotyping the people I make friends with. Just because I am around weird people doesn't makes me become like them. I choose to be with them cos I love them. I don't see how on earth you people can ignorantly walk away and talk about people winning awards and medals when all they show me is a very sad broken face. Talking about broken faces, there was once a time I saw the same in you too. So please, just because you cannot accept the behavior of some people I mix with, does not give you a good reason to poison me about them. I don't like it when people put me on the spot in relation to such issues, especially when I have to subconsciously choose between 2 friends. What makes you think you are any different from your neighbor?

3.) I love my friends. But I also stick tightly to a binding code that I follow that makes me seem some what like a fanatic and yet a hypocrite. But I believe to live a life pleasing to God, I must follow such principles though others ask why must I since I have no obligation. I love my God, and if you have any problem about that, you can tell me right in the face. True, I will view you differently after that, who can deny that they would after such a strange move? But I won't disrespect it either. What I won't respect is if you bring about argument about my lifestyle without elements of evidence. You can try bullshit and experiment with the sarcasm I will give you.

4.) If you see that I ignore certain people to the extreme, don't worry. I'm not angry. I just don't wanna engage in the type of talk that person enjoys. I find it too unfruitful, especially the evidence-less arguments (while I firmly believe an argument without evidence is plain crap-talk.) Not worthwhile listening to. If I tell you to read, I'm not saying I'm only talking to people who read a lot because I read a lot, I'm only telling you that what you just said is rubbish and before you go on making a fool out of yourself, please do some research before talking As a law student, I can only think of reading. But if you got other methods that is reliable, I'm not imposing anything. Nothing personal. Really.

5.) And the worse misunderstanding of all. When I come back home, I don't mix with you when I get back because I'm tired. No, Physically tired. College is difficult, let alone studying Law. So I want to rest and beef myself up. Build up the immune system I have lost. So if I don't join your activities, I'm not distancing myself. Lately, I have been unable to do a lot because my body have been severely weaken. After my back injuries, I lost too much weight and my immune system dropped. I got sick easily for very long. Even now. I'm not the healthy person I was. Working during holidays is no better. So please, if you really want to meet up with me. Do arrange it in meals like dinner or lunch instead of outings like concerts or traveling. Don't put me on the spot by getting me to do things I find half as unproductive, and out of place. If you are observant enough, you will notice I also care, and want to catch up, but liberty of such is not available. This year has been hectic The only one to notice was Chao Wei, and he came to visit me in my house. For the rest of you who go round spreading I don't like to meet up with my old friends, look up what defamation means.

Perhaps this is why many people ended up clicking to their own group of their profession type. Reasoning is that people of other profession are not just in a different frequency. The level of understanding is also different together with the issues given importance.
My opinion : I disagree with this, and still despite what happens firmly believes other course can be more understanding than my course mates, but can't help but also observe that many from the other professions, especially those outside the legal profession has horrible prejudice and stereotype views about people in the legal profession particularly lawyers. Not all of us are people who does not uphold our profession that the world once took pride in. In fact, the more you shunt us, the more you require us.
You want the benefit of the doubt?? You can get it by giving it as well.

back to the fray

2010-09-19T23:04:00.003+08:00

2nd year law has about started. I can pretty much say that my working days have started the moment I got my registration done, the building pressure can be felt instantly. It feels like I might have to give greater efforts compared to what I was giving in my second year. A lot of planing going on, starting that I don't want to be "MR Preacher" in the cg any longer. Lots of work to do since UK's price of Uni is not getting any cheaper either. (going to Australia's worse)
I decided on the subjects that I will be taking after much discussion which my dad. Looks like it will be Public international Law, Tort Law, Land Law, and Evidence, which was the initial plan. I was pretty surprised that the lecturers were more encouraging to us taking PIL and evidence compared to the Company Law. Looks like my knowledge of copy right law ends here.
Study is one issue.Of course the short sems are supposed to be easy to keep up with balancing my priorities. However, it's very problematic when the knowledge of importance about the priorities increases, though you know you cannot decrease or increase the priorities. Work load increases, but not the priorities means that work time remains the same, while work load is more and harder. Is this the only issue I face? No, the relationships issue that I might have to address is going to only get worse.Horrible Horrible Horrible temptations lies in wait for me. Oh boy. Second year is not looking like a down hill run at all.
With all these also comes the issue of letting go dreams and receiving new ones. Malaysia feels and seems like an exiled Israel. All the Christians are leaving not wanting to come back. In general, a lot of people are. Is this what it feels like to see my home facing a "Babylonian exile" period? Everything seems to only be going down hill. Crying out for this nation gets harder and harder as the temptation to renounce citizenship one day gets higher and higher.
It feels horrible to feel like as if year in year out I'm the only one desiring for huge changes, and my strive for changes is only silenced by cowardly surroundings. I seriously want to be able to see the day where I will be able to see every brother and sister residing in cf being a leader in inti. Not outside inti.
You cowards, if you cannot tell your friend their mistake, how will you tell other people in the future?
You hypocrites. You go round calling churches to give you leading positions and allow you to teach. But you don't just lead people astray, you turn them down as well.
You 2 face. In front of cf you act like an angel. Out there in class, you are a monster.
You faker. You pray and pray, but all without faith, and then come round complaining the next.
You "judges" you point your fingers at others, but forgot that you need 2 hands to clap. you destroyed the unity that we are all fighting for and then you leave the fray.
Sounds like me, so I'm also a hypocrite. I want change. Not the type Obama wants. The type Jeremiah, Daniel, Nehemiah, and Joshua wants.

-1 day = finish?!?

2010-09-15T09:41:00.002+08:00

Of all a sudden, Malaysia declared Malaysia Day to be a holiday. Finally! About time too. I personally feel that it should have been Malaysia day all along instead of Merdeka( independence day). Oh well, it be good if both days can be holidays too. With this extra day as a holiday, that would mean that today is the last day of work for me.^^ Ok probably I'm not so enthusiastic about leaving work after all. The "lawyer" work has been fun. (really) I am able to appreciate a longer holiday though. using my holidays to work and not rest is not my idea of a holiday.Oh well. Not like I didn't predict that this year will be like that.Coincidently this Malaysia Day marks the last day of my holidays.(Anyone in Kluang want to go for a basketball game on that day? haha) This holiday might be the most productive holidays for me. I dare say I read more news than I usually do (it was horribly enraging) Here I take the change to challenge all Malaysians who wants to be part of the "making the difference" group that is on the move to read your news paper. How can you make a difference if you don't know what is going on around you? Seriously. Young people. Take note of political activities more, not just pop-stars and iconic media people. They are nice to take note of, but if you want to make a difference in Malaysia, you need to go more than reading those news.

What else have i done to consider this holiday more productive? I completed reading 3 books in 1 month. Real! productivity. Haha. I think I got back my stamina after the long "break from basketball and sports." I owe thanks to the basketball kaki in Kluang for this one. Sad that I won't be able to have another game with you guys before I leave.

People of Kluang, before I leave, word of advice, be more pro-active in going about knowing national issues, revival is coming. But revival comes not just in the form of spirituality. It will come in every aspect. Government, education, social development, etc. You want to make a difference in Kluang you have to address all the areas. Are you ready? You see, if you are not, God will still move, but by appointing other people to be the deliverance. (coted as per the book of Esther) The people might not even be Christians to begin with, and their working perspective will be different from our common views and at that time, we will go back 1 circle to complain about corruption and the lot. This applies to all Christians also. Look around you. It is pretty shameful that what we are supposed to be doing are now done by non-Christians. What are we Christians doing? Being contented with life. Day dreaming about some spiritual revival. Ok, enough about philosophy views. Happy (finishing of holidays) or for those which just started your hols, happy hols! ><>

Reality decides to hit me in the face again

2010-09-13T09:34:00.003+08:00

4 more days and I will be free again... Not really. Instant return to college again on the other hand is not my interpretation of freedom.@@ I can't wait for next year which should be so much more relaxing compared to this year. Or is it that this year is such a busy unmovable year because I played around a lot last year? Haha. Whatever.

2nd year is coming up. All I have seen from my seniors is how stressful it is. Interestingly, my personality test states that my personality type works better under stress. i admit, to a certain extend, I'm more productive when stress is placed on my shoulders.

The coming 2nd year would see me finishing my final committee term as a cg leader. After this, I'm definitely stepping down. Sometimes, I do wonder if I should have already stepped down long ago. Working with 2 commitments is already a difficult matter, let alone with people though under the same faith but sharing so many different believes. So many decisions I have made this year which led me to question. Was it right to compromise and be diplomatic? Feels very wrong not standing for my beliefs, then again, even my favorite Mr Aru in the end gave in to compassion and state that not everyone can live up to the standards that he expect however basic they seem. Oh for goodness sake. To a certain extend, I feel like it would have been better had I been the hard and merciless man I was. On the other hand I also have to bare in mind that my 3rd year is in UK, unlike most others, this time, I'm facing real "probability" of financial crisis. balancing will be harder than ever.

I find myself jealous of those people who doesn't need to think so much or don't bother to think so much of their future because everything is spoon fed to them. Makes me very angry when they come up to me and tell me I'm thinking too much. What do you have in common with me? Which part of instability have you felt before? your life definitely is not a bed of roses, but it's not which would be said to exited the "realm of the secondary school" yet either. Till you can say you don't depend on others to make decisions for you then only you have earn your right to "talk" to me. Oh, and please, do pls do your "reading" homework before "talking" to me unless you want me to view you as another "talking trash can"..

This coming semester is filled with undealt with issues from the previous. Not that I want to pass on, it's just that I did not have the time to deal with it. First is to address the question of church moving in me.